Groom Like A Pirate Day

After the U.S. Navy relaxed the hair restrictions on female sailors, the males immediately asked, “What about us?”

The Navy said last week servicewomen could sport ponytails, lock hairstyles, or ropelike strands, and wider hair buns, reversing a policy that long forbade women from letting their hair down.

Servicemen immediately chimed in on social media, asking the Navy if they could grow beards. A sailor’s Facebook post with a #WeWantBeards hashtag was shared thousands of times.

Wow, who could have seen that coming?

Beards were banned in 1984. The Navy wanted professional-looking sailors who could wear firefighting masks and breathing apparatuses without interference. The Navy says that’s still the case. Still, some hope the change in female grooming standards opens the door.

My police department is in the same boat – pun intended. Female officers can pretty much wear their hair (or color it) however they like. A decade ago, an African-American officer sported purple highlights during roll call. The men (mostly African-Americans) immediately jumped in, claiming they should be able to wear beards.

When I entered the police academy, we were informed of the dress code in the first hour. If we could not conform, we would not make it through the academy. Every single recruit agreed. The navy is the same way. No one is hiding the dress code from recruits; it’s posted for all the world to see. Servicemen shouldn’t be demanding the rules be changed just because some chicks received – unnecessary, in my opinion – leniency.

No-Shave Is All The Rave

The Art Of Shaving NYCLadies, set your cheeks to “chafed.” Beards are now extremely popular, and not just with married ghey men.

Beards — having become so popular that they’ve even had an annual movement (“no shave November”) named after them — are part of a growing category of the male grooming market, which sees more than $6 billion in sales annually.

The slow decline of clean-shaven faces has given rise to a new male archetype, one that’s becoming a coveted market demographic in its own right and spurring the rise of small businesses that cater to pampering hairy faces.

The more rugged looking male is in fact “very sensitive, and not afraid of taking care of his appearance,” Philip Fimmano said. Believe it or not, that’s not a contradiction in terms, he added.

The problem with this is there’s a fine line between Shaggy Adonis, and Beardsley McDoucheCanoe. Far too many guys fall into the latter category. The problem is most are already douchey puss-aahs to begin with, but they think if they start hiking the Appalachian Trail, drinking themselves into nightly stupors, and grow an al Qaeda beard, it will diminish the douche quotient (DQ).

The DQ stats don’t lie, bruh. Embrace your douchieness and shave the idiotic beard.