Bernie Bros Before Morning Joes

Undemocratic socialist presidential candidate Bernie Sanders is getting his dandruff up after yet another spat with the “journalists” at MSNBC. Apparently, Sanders believes MSNBC is not a legitimate news organization, and MSNBC believes Sanders is not a legitimate contender.

Spoiler alert: they’re both correct.

Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT) and MSNBC have always had a complicated relationship. Sanders, a top-tier contender for the Democratic nomination, has long questioned the news media’s biases, while pundits have taken fresh shots at the Vermont senator this cycle. But officials in Sanders’ campaign contend that leading up to the 2020 election, the network is one of several cable news outlets directly contributing to a media climate where false claims go unchecked and requests for progressive voices on-air are frequently turned down.

“More often than not these commentators are injecting their opinion without any policy discussions,” Nina Turner, the national co-chair of Sanders’ campaign, told The Daily Beast. “They’re not there to tell the gospel truth.”

Wait, the mainstream media expresses opinions instead of facts? The hell you say!

The backlash from Sanders-world reached a new high on Sunday, when MSNBC analyst Mimi Rocah, a former assistant U.S attorney for the Southern District of New York and occasional contributor to The Daily Beast, launched a personal critique of Sanders during a segment with host David Gura, saying that he makes her “skin crawl” and that he’s not a “pro-woman candidate.”

“Bernie Sanders makes my skin crawl,” Rocah started when discussing the lineup for the upcoming Democratic debate in Detroit, where Sanders will share a stage with Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA). “I can’t even identify for you what exactly it is. But I see him as sort of a not pro-woman candidate,” she continued. “So, having the two of them there—like, I don’t understand young women who support him. And I’m hoping having him next to her will help highlight that.”

In fairness, every Democratic candidate – and honestly, every Democrat, period – makes my skin crawl. I cannot respect someone who wants to fundamentally change the greatest country on planet Earth. That said, I also cannot gather enough popcorn to keep me satiated during this fabulous Leftist-on-Leftist violence.

Bernie’s Salt Intake Is Very High

Socialist presidential candidate Bernie Sanders is claiming the 2016 Democratic primary election was “rigged against him.” While we are all well aware this is a true statement, we’re equally aware Bernie shut up and sat down while the fraud was occurring.

Now, three years later, Bernie wants to cry about it.

Sanders spoke to Kasie Hunt on MSNBC Wednesday and said that he would have beaten President Donald Trump had the election against Clinton not been “rigged against” him. Sanders bowed out of the 2016 election less than two weeks before the Democratic National Convention and endorsed Clinton for presidency in her race against Trump.

“No, some people say that if maybe that system was not rigged against me I would have won the nomination and defeated Donald Trump,” Sanders said after Hunt asked his thoughts on whether or not he hurt Clinton’s candidacy. “That’s what some people say.”

The only people who say that are Bernie and his borderline criminal wife. You wouldn’t have beaten Donald Trump in 2016, and you wouldn’t beat him in 2020. Furthermore, if you were a man, you would have stood up to Hillary, the DNC, and the media and refused to accept a stolen election.

But you didn’t, because while you’re very adept at garnering sympathy from your lobotomized acolytes, deep down inside, you’re a gigantic pussy. Own it.

The New Drugs Are In Early This Year

Before we get started, I want it on the record I like Ron DeSantis and am happy he was elected Florida governor. That said, I have no clue why he’s touting a Bernie Sanders-inspired drug importation policy.

Republican Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis appears set to sign a bill creating a program to import prescription drugs from Canada after the Republican-backed legislation passed the state Senate.

The bill passed the GOP-controlled Florida House 93-22 on April 11. The Washington Examiner characterized the legislation as a move to lock down “the gray vote.” It passed in the state Senate 27-13 on Monday morning.

Opponents of the bill have called the policy socialist and point out that only one other state, Vermont, has taken steps toward a similar program.

“For starters it is one of [Independent Vermont Sen.] Bernie Sanders’ ideas,” Grover Norquist of conservative group Americans for Tax Reform said April 22. “The rest of the world has damaged their ability to invent new drugs. We invent the drugs. Then they put price controls on them. And some politicians in Florida want to bring those price controls into Florida, a Republican state.”

Prescription drug prices are a war crime, and of course, we should do what we can to get them lowered. Importing medicine from Canada is not the way to go, especially considering their national medical program is a disgrace. Unless, of course, you don’t mind waiting two years for an operation.

Democrat-On-Democrat Violence

Despite what you may have thought during the 2016 presidential election, Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders are not exactly fond of each other. Hard to believe politicians would be hypocrites, amirite?

The spokesman for Sen. Bernie Sanders’s (I-Vt.) 2016 presidential campaign slammed Hillary Clinton and her staff as “total ingrates” and “assholes” following criticism from ex-Clinton aides over Sanders’s use of private jets.

“You can see why she’s one of the most disliked politicians in America. She’s not nice. Her people are not nice,” Michael Briggs, the spokesman, told Politico of Clinton. “[Sanders] busted his tail to fly all over the country to talk about why it made sense to elect Hillary Clinton and the thanks that [we] get is this kind of petty stupid sniping a couple years after the fact.”

Briggs also called Clinton and her staff “assholes.”

Well, he’s not wrong…

In the same Politico story, ex-Clinton aides were critical of Sanders reportedly making requests for him and his staff to use private jets while he served as a campaign surrogate for Clinton, the 2016 Democratic nominee. The Sanders team’s reported preference for private jets was a point of tension with the Clinton campaign.

I’d wager even staunch Hillary Clinton supporters know she and her staff are assholes. That said, Sanders’ hypocrisy is mind-numbing. The man rails against carbon emissions and how we need to rape the rich, while demanding the Clinton campaign allow him access to a private jet.

Caption Contest Winners

The Hurt And Bernie Caption Contest is now over.

Top Five Entries:
5. I can’t hold this much longer. I sure hope it’s not a shart…………. – Taminator
4. Due to the extremely adverse reaction of those around him, Bernie realizes that his last bottle of COMRADE DA! aftershave actually does smell like death warmed over! – Dalek
3. “I don’t care how old he is. Someone needs to change his diaper!” – Cathy
2. (senator on the right) “Did this clown just shit himself?” – William

WINNER! – Mike AKA Proof’s Photoshop

Bernie Bros Treated Women Like Hoes

Failed presidential candidate and hairstyle maven Bernie Sanders is responding to accusations his 2016 campaign was fraught with sexual harassment. The sexy senile socialist is addressing the claims a full two years after the fact.

Bernie Sanders said he didn’t know women in his 2016 presidential campaign were being harassed because he was too busy running for the Democratic nomination.

‘I was a little bit busy running around the country trying to make the case,’ he told CNN Wednesday night when asked if he knew about the allegations at the time.

See, it wasn’t his fault; he’s just a confused old man. Now shut up and let him run the country because he’s totes competent. In effect, Sanders is using the Paterno Defense.

Sanders was responding to a report in the New York Times that several women on his 2016 campaign reported episodes of sexual harassment, demeaning treatment, and pay disparity.

Giulianna Di Lauro, a Latino outreach strategist, recounted to the newspaper how a campaign surrogate ran his hands through her hair in a ‘sexual way.’

She said when she reported the incident Bill Velazquez, a manager on the Latino outreach team, he told her: ‘I bet you would have liked it if he were younger’ and laughed.

The truly sad part of this story is no one will hold Sanders accountable, because sexual harassment is only an issue when it is perpetuated by Republicans. But yes, keep screeching about the #MeToo movement you f**king hypocrites.

Caption Contest Winners

The Old Man Yells At Cloud Caption Contest is now over.

Top Five Entries:
5. “And let me tell you one other thing, that Alexandria Oscar the Grouch on Cortisone chippy is stealing all my ideas!” – Jim
4. “Get off my lawn!!!” – Sully
3. With my mighty fist, I crushed the button on my Don’t Fall Over device, thingy…and screamed “Stop Kavanaugh!” The response I got was absolutely outrageous, they said “Senator, for the sixth time today, we can’t stop Kavanaugh, we can’t stop Trump, we can’t stop global warming, what we can do is call you an ambulance if you’ve fallen over and can’t get up…..Senator, would you like us to call you an ambulance?” – Dalek
2. “Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell No! Cause when the going gets tough…….the tough gets going! Who’s with me? Let’s go, c’mon. Heeeyyyyy!” – MelP

WINNER! – That moment your realize your Depends is leaking and you’re holding on to an ungrounded microphone. – Mike AKA Proof

Weekend Caption Contest

Old Man Yells At Cloud Caption Contest
(Source: AP)

Caption this photo in the comments section. The winners will be posted on Monday, July 23rd.

Original Caption: Sen. Bernie Sanders, I-Vt., speaks with protesters in front of the Supreme Court in Washington, Monday, July 9, 2018, after President Donald Trump announced Judge Brett Kavanaugh as his Supreme Court nominee. (Photo: Cliff Owen/AP)

Caption Contest Winners

Bernie Screams For Ice Cream Caption Contest has now concluded.

Top Five Entries:
5. “After you try my ice cream you’ll know why I call it.. Bernie you a new asshole….Peace out bitches.” – Kevin
4. Ben and Jerry’s introduce their new flavor “Old Comu-Nuts” – Jim
3. B&J introduce their newest ice-cold confection (initally The Cold Bern), The Dicksickle. – Toothy
2. Ben & Jerry’s introduces their latest flavor: crazy fruit, surrounded by tiny shriveled up nuts and 1 big nut in the center. Also, the main ingredient is curdled milk. – MelP

WINNER! – Ben and Jerry’s…now with more nuts! – Proof