Slick Willie Is Back In Denial Mode

Billionaire Democratic donor Jeffrey Epstein has been charged with many criminal counts in reference to alleged sex trafficking. Epstein is linked to many powerful Democrats, including John Kerry, Chris Dodd, Richard “Dick” Gephardt, and sex addict Bill Clinton.

Former President Bill Clinton said he “knew nothing” of billionaire Jeffrey Epstein’s alleged sex trafficking, according to a statement issued Monday.

Epstein was arrested Saturday and charged with sex trafficking minors between 2002 and 2005. He spent time behind bars in 2008 after pleading guilty to procuring a minor for prostitution. He is a registered sex offender in Florida.

“President Clinton knows nothing about the terrible crimes Jeffrey Epstein pleaded guilty to in Florida some years ago, or those with which he has been recently charged in New York,” the statement read.

Well, that settles that. I believe the former president, how about you?

Flight logs from 2015, however, put Clinton on the “Lolita Express,” Epstein’s private airplane, more than a dozen times. Many of these flights were shared with a woman who is believed to have been involved with getting underage girls to perform sex acts for Epstein and his friends, Gawker reported.

Epstein is accused of accosting numerous underage girls and offering them money for sex. The “Lolita Express” allegedly transported lecherous men to Epstein’s private “pedo island,” where his female assistant would allegedly line up young girls for Epstein’s guests.

But Slick Willie wouldn’t know anything about that, swearsies, realsies.

Caption Contest Winners

The Do I Get Fries With That Shake? Caption Contest is now over.

Top Five Entries:
5. Jackson: “No, Bill… I don’t think she’s into threesomes.” – TXNick
4. Bill: Last time I nailed something that young, I was President of the United States.
Jesse: Last time I nailed something that young, Richard Nixon was President. – Ingineer66
3. Bill’s request to hear Pink Floyd’s “Have a Cigar” went unheeded… – Toothy
2. Jackson: “1000 bucks says I can nail her first”
Clinton: “Not a chance.”
Pastor Ellis: “I got this.” – Jenn

WINNER! – “No thanks, Jesse. I have my own cigar!” – Mike AKA Proof

Weekend Caption Contest

Do I Get Fries With That Shake? Caption Contest
(Source: Reuters)

Caption this photo in the comments section. The winners will be posted on Monday, September 10th.

Original Caption: Singer Ariana Grande performs at the funeral service for the late singer Aretha Franklin at the Greater Grace Temple in Detroit, Michigan, August 31, 2018. REUTERS/Mike Segar

Caption Contest Winners

The I’ve Got A Secret Caption Contest is now over. For the record, every single entry was outstanding. Kudos!

Top Five Entries:
5. The Clintons and close ally Elizabeth Warren who now claims common ancestry with the Easter Bunny. – Taminator
4. “Bill, look at your silly intern over there; she got cream filling all over her blue dress. And Huma, keep the bunny costume (wink, wink).” – Jim
3. “Hey Bill….do you remember Fatal Attraction?” – Kevin
2. Vince Foster.
In the library.
With a revolver. – Mike AKA Proof

WINNER! – “You’ll NEVER be President!” – Dalek

Weekend Caption Contest

I’ve Got A Secret Caption Contest
(Source: Associated Press)

Caption this photo in the comments section. The winners will be posted on Monday, April 9th.

Original Caption: As the Easter Bunny applauds at right, President Clinton huddles with first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton at the White House, Monday, April 8, 1996, during the annual White House Easter Egg Roll and Hunt. (Photo: Dennis Cook/AP)

Liar, Liar, House On Fire

A fire erupted in Bill and Hillary Clinton’s home in Chappaqua, New York Wednesday afternoon. There were no reports of injuries.

The fire that broke out at the Clinton’s around 2:50 p.m. afternoon was extinguished around 3:15 p.m.

The Clintons bought their first home in Chappaqua — a hamlet in the Westchester County town of New Castle, N.Y. — in 1999 for $1.7 million. They bought a three-bedroom property next door in 2016.

Aerial images appeared to show fire department activity at a second, smaller house on the property at the rear of the main house.

Fire officials believe the cause of the blaze was either Mrs. Clinton burning incriminating documents, or Bill was caught “polling the electorate” – in this case, a twenty-something lingerie model.

The Pen Is Mightier Than Bill’s Sword

In yet another transparent effort to bring the Clinton family to the forefront, Bill Clinton is teaming up with James Patterson to co-write a novel. Patterson will write the story, while Bill will narrate the steamy forced sex scenes.

The former president and the best-selling novelist are collaborating on a thriller, “The President is Missing,” as an unusual joint release from rival publishers — Alfred A. Knopf and Little, Brown and Co. In a statement Monday, the publishers called the book “a unique amalgam of intrigue, suspense and behind-the-scenes global drama from the highest corridors of power. It will be informed by details that only a president can know.

We’re talking about a Clinton here, so Hillary, Huma Abedin, Anthony Wiener, Weiner’s sexting victims, and the Russians also know.

“The President is Missing” is the first work of fiction by Clinton, whose best-known book is the million-selling “My Life.” For Patterson, it’s the chance to team up with a friend who knows as well as anyone about life in the White House.

Spoiler Alert: The president is missing because he’s in the Oval Office shtupping some fat chick. There, I saved you twenty-two dollars, and hours of shame and regret.

It offends me this book will sell millions of copies, while mine sold less than two hundred fifty.

Tears Of A Clown

bill-clinton-verbally-attacks-ken-bone

Former president Bill Clinton is still bent over the 2016 presidential election; so much so he cornered – and most likely sexually harassed – a small-town newspaper reporter to whine about it.

President-elect Donald Trump “doesn’t know much,” former President Bill Clinton told a local newspaper earlier this month, but “one thing he does know is how to get angry, white men to vote for him.”

Clinton spoke to a reporter from The Record-Review, a weekly newspaper serving the towns of Bedford and Pound Ridge, New York, not far from the Clintons’ home in Chappaqua, New York. The former president held court earlier this month in Katonah, New York, where he took questions from the reporter and other customers inside a small bookstore.

That’s right, the “first black president” and hero to mental defectives everywhere is holding press conferences in cramped bookstores.

On the question of Russian cyberattacks damaging the candidacy of his wife, Hillary Clinton, the former president said “you would need to have a single-digit IQ not to recognize what was going on.” But he blamed FBI Director James Comey for her loss, telling those gathered around him that he had “cost her the election” by announcing with less than two weeks to go before the election that the bureau was examining fresh evidence related to her use of a private email server during her tenure as secretary of state.

Yes Bill, James Comey was to blame. Hillary’s nasty disposition, habitual lying, and rampant corruption had nothing all to do with her resounding loss. I eagerly await your next public missive, live from the Mount Kisco Starbucks.

Shout At The Devil

bill-clinton-angry

According to a source close to Bill Clinton, Bubba and Hillary had a savage shouting match about FBI Director James Comey’s announcement to reopen the investigation into Hillary’s e-mail server. That’s odd; they seem so much in love.

‘Bill didn’t buy the excuse that Comey would cost Hillary the election,’ said the source. ‘As far as he was concerned, all the blame belonged to [campaign manager Robby] Mook, [campaign chairman John] Podesta and Hillary because they displayed a tone-deaf attitude about the feeble economy and its impact on millions and millions of working-class voters.

‘Bill was so red in the face during his conversation with Hillary that I worried he was going to have a heart attack. He got so angry that he threw his phone off the roof of his penthouse apartment and toward the Arkansas River.’

Bubba was apparently also angry Hillary kept him in hiding during the campaign. Obviously to keep “Little Bubba” in Bill’s pants.

‘Hillary wouldn’t listen. She told Bill that his ideas were old and that he was out of touch. In the end, there was nothing he could do about it because Hillary and her people weren’t listening to anything he said.’

Wait a minute; Hillary claimed Bill was too out of touch? Hillary Clinton said that?? Now that their political careers have dried up like Hillary’s pink parts, I sincerely hope they divorce one another and end this ridiculous sham marriage.

Caption Contest Winners

bill-clinton-staring-at-sexual-assault-acccusers

The To Catch A Predator Caption Contest has now concluded.

Top Five Entries:
5. “Oh @#$& did we forget to change her battery?” = JJAK
4. “What do you mean, stop it, I look guilty?” – Metoo
3. “I’d tell you to get your hand off my leg if mom hadn’t told me Web Hubbell is my real dad.” – RG
2. “Gee dad, if they bring them all in…we’re gonna need a bigger auditorium.” – The Old West

WINNER! – Chelsea whispering to Bill, “Stop staring, Dad… that’s Bruce Jenner!” – TXNick