Cystem Of A Down

Normally I would be at work by now, entering jobs and yelling at Diego. Instead, I took the day off because I have yet another medical procedure. This time, my dermatologist needs to remove a cyst in the back of my head.

And yes, the cyst is likely larger than my brain.

This may be the fifth or sixth cyst I have had removed, all from the head. Apparently Mrs. Earp hits me with a hammer once every few years.

The procedure won’t take long, but I’m a big bleeder with things like this, and I’ll get stitched up afterward. The doc will send the cyst to the lab to see if its cancerous, and I should be back in work tomorrow.

While I’m at it, the Mohs surgery for my skin cancer is two weeks from today. I may be out longer for that, because the previous Mohs surgery cost me twelve stitches in my forehead. It’s not like I’m a handsome man, so bring on the stitches. I just hope they get all the cancer out.

Everything Old Is New, Yet Again

A few years ago, my dermatologist decided to retire. The doc was amazing, and caught a few spots of skin cancer while he was treating me. I never switched to another doctor in the practice, mostly because the Chinese Wuhan Virus meant appointments were few and far between.

I finally went back on Friday. I needed my psoriasis checked and figured I needed a skin cancer sweep. After prescribing the psoriasis medicine, the doctor took a look around. He wants to remove a cyst at the top of my head – fun – and before I left, he asked about the nick above my left eye.

You see, I had Mohs surgery about ten years ago for a three-inch long patch of skin cancer. It took an hour and twelve stitches, but it was worth it to be cancer-free.

When the doc was looking at it, he deadpanned, “It looks like your cancer has returned.”

The doc sliced off a piece of the skin and sent it to the lab to see if it is actually cancer, or just a false alarm. The doc thinks it is leaning toward cancer, but who knows? He also said if you get skin cancer, your chances of getting it again is ten-fold.

So, I’ll be stressing out for a week or so and I’ll let you know when the biopsy results come in. The cancer I had isn’t usually fatal, but the fact of getting this again is frustrating.

The Stress Never Ends

So, yesterday was terrible.

Princess P was sick from school, and was vomiting much of the morning. We think she had the same virus Kevin was battling. As if that wasn’t bad enough, I had my urologist appointment early in the morning, and was hoping for good news.

After sitting for what seemed like forever in the office, I was finally called back. The crazy cute Russian nurse took my vitals, and had me give a urine sample. In the urologist’s office, you pee into what looks like a spittoon, and it analyzes the urine and reads the numbers. Afterward, the nurse took a quick ultrasound of my bladder to make sure it was empty. It was…

Do. Not. Like.

So as you all know by now – thanks in part to my incessant whining – I had a biopsy done for possible prostate cancer. The entire day was less than enjoyable.

The day started off with a trip to court, where the gods smiled upon me by getting me out of the courtroom in less than an hour. I was home by 10am, and began the preparations. First up, “the dreaded apparatus” AKA the enema. I’ve never had to use an enema before; the closest I’ve come was a terrible tasting liquid I had to drink before taking a colonoscopy, which had me glued to the toilet for an hour.

The enema was basically the same deal, except more, um, invasive. I won’t disgust you with the details, but if nothing else, they work like a charm.

An hour before the visit, the doctors wanted me to drink 32 ounces of water for the ultrasound. I ended up drinking three 16-ounce bottles, and really, really, REALLY had to pee when I arrived at the office. After ten minutes of agonizing waiting, the doctor called me back and said, “Oh we’re not doing the ultrasound. Do you want to use the restroom?”

YES!!!

A Simple Plan

For the benefit of those who read the blog and expect some back and forth from me, today will not be that day. Instead, I will be spending the first half of my day off in court, and the second half in a doctor’s office.

Today is biopsy day.

I received a court notice Thursday for a robbery case today. The case is set for 8am, which means little sleep last night, an hour drive in rush hour traffic to basically check in and check out. It doesn’t appear I’ll be needed to testify, but I do need to appear. The plan is to pull the ADA aside and tell him I can’t stay because there is a lot of, um, “prepping” for a prostate biopsy.

The procedure is set for 2:45pm, and hopefully I’ll know the results early next week. Thanksgiving will undoubtedly throw the schedule off, but the sooner I know if it’s cancer, the sooner I can begin treatment.

Apparently I can’t do much for the two days afterward, but I’ll have to go to work. You don’t call out sick on holidays. Luckily, sitting at a desk is not too strenuous, so there shouldn’t be any issues.

I have posts set for the rest of the day, but if – read: when – I’m not around, it isn’t because I hate you. It’s because I’m preparing my perfectly-shaped ass for the scalpel.

Prognosis Negative

My urologist appointment regarding my prostate issues was yesterday, and while I was not looking forward to the event, at least I would know if I have cancer or not.

The doctor reviewed my blood work, and stated my prostate specific antigen (PSA) count went from a 2.9 to a 3.1 in a week. Similar to the first visit, the doctor said my numbers would not be alarming for a 75-year old, but for someone who is five months shy of fifty, they are mildly alarming. The doc said he doesn’t believe I have cancer, but if I do, and we wait another six months, it may be too late.

So, the doctor will be delivering a bouncing baby biopsy next Tuesday.

This was arguably worse news than finding out I have cancer. If I had cancer, we can get right into treatment, but now I need to wait another week – or more – to know the results. It’s both frustrating and frightening.

Today would have been my first day back to work after my days off, but I took a sick day. I needed a day at home to process all this, so I’m not sure if there will be any more posts today. If not, regular posting will appear tomorrow.