Putting The Cans Back In Cannes

An unknown female guest at the Cannes Film Festival became infamous after she “released the hounds” while wearing a crop-top dress.

A guest at Cannes Film Festival stole the show on the after she flashed her boobs in a very risqué crop top as she stepped out on the red carpet for the premiere of Annette. The name of the guest is still unknown but she her photos have gone viral, where she is seen flashing her breasts as others watch her in shock.

I’m sure some of the women were in shock, but the men were extraordinarily pleased.

The woman, who donned a cream pleated skirt emblazoned with gold leaf pattern, could be seen posing up a storm for photographers after she raised her hand to wave when her bare breast got exposed. However, even though she realized the awkward moment she was unfazed. (H/TMike AKA Proof)

Now that’s my kind of girl!

A few days ago, libtard idiot Scarlett Johansson went on a rant decrying the “sexualization” of her Black Widow character. Johansson blamed Hollywood and men for her low-cut outfits and leather catsuit. The problem here is she never had any problems wearing the clothing while she was making Marvel films, but now – as she’s approaching forty – it’s the worst thing since Russ Meyer films.

The Critical Drinker – a fantastic YouTuber – had a video about this entitled, “Defeminizing Female Characters.” The bottom line was essentially, when you defeminize female characters, don’t be surprised when men stop seeing your films, or they stop being interested in you anymore.

Sure the woman above was looking for attention, and she obviously earned it. Why? Because most women know what men like, and they know how to catch a man’s gaze. That’s not just twenty-something bombshells, it’s all women, and whatever you may think of the woman above, I have no problem with her flaunting her assets, so to speak.

Australia Drops The Ball Again

Meet Isabelle Eleanore of Australia. Isabelle was humiliated in front of Jet Star Airline passengers when the Karens on the plane claimed her outfit – seen at the right – as “inappropriate.”

Seriously Australia, when did you stop being the toughest country on Earth and start being France?

An airline has apologised to a passenger after staff told her to cover up her ‘inappropriate’ outfit.

Isabelle Eleanore, from Australia, said she was humiliated after being told by cabin crew her black crop top was not suitable for flying. The OnlyFans model said Jetstar staff ordered her to cover up, allegedly saying: “You can’t wear a bikini.”

Maybe I’m suffering from dementia, but in what world could her outfit be declared a bikini?

Isabelle was then handed a hi-vis vest to wear over her black top, which she said made her feel ‘degraded’ and embarrassed in front of her fellow passengers.

Sharing her story to her Instagram followers, Isabelle said: “So they made a huge scene when I stepped on the plane and made me wait in front of everyone while they searched for something to cover me up with. If I had small breasts I guarantee they wouldn’t have said anything.

She’s not wrong. IF she had small boobs – perish the thought – this wouldn’t be an issue. Even still, it’s not lie she’s falling out of her top, so what’s the problem? The world has lost its collective mind.

America Is Losing Its Collective Mind

Since the country has been shut down, more and more people are wasting spending their time on social media. One of these useless apps, TikTok, offered a bizarre video challenge to moms and their infant children.

Moms on TikTok are getting in on the latest social-media challenge by exposing their breasts to their babies and recording their enticed reactions.

Called the #DropEmOutChallenge, these jokester mamas post their videos with Wheeler Walker Jr.’s song “Drop ‘Em Out” playing in the background. The country tune’s lyrics are particularly fitting for this game.

Seemingly from behind the camera, the moms bare it all to their hungry, breast-fed babies, filming the excited expressions. Among the adorable reactions, one baby was all smiles when he saw his mother’s chest. The chubby boy walked right over to his favorite dinner spot, hungrily clasping his hands.

Seriously, these moms need to have their heads examined… or have their children taken away from them. The challenge would have been better if they did this in front of other men, and the reactions would likely have been the same without the life-scarring trauma.

Nips Are Appreciated

A Paris nightclub is coming under fire from someone other than Islamists for running a promotion where women can receive free shots – of booze – for showing their breasts.

Wanderlust in the French capital was outed by a self-proclaimed feminist called Anne who spotted a poster behind the bar titled, ‘T*ts = shot’, accompanied by instant camera photographs of women pulling up their shirts to bare their boobs.

She shared the snap on social media which prompted dozens of critics to slam the bar for what they dubbed a sexist stunt.

Possibly, but one woman’s sexist stunt is another man’s million dollar idea. In this case, one which is sure to fill his coffers and keep out the ugly, unshaven feminist harpies.

Buxom If You Got ‘Em

While scouring teh innernetz for something post-worthy, I came across this nonsense from the New York Post. The title of the article is, “Boobs are back in a big way.”

Up here *points to brain* they never left.

For the last year, those of us blessed with a chest have been slaves to the trend for curbing our curves. But now you can welcome the return of the out-and-proud cleavage.

Lingerie brand Ann Summers reports a 27 percent rise in sales of cleavage-enhancing bras, surely confirming the buxom look is back.

Thanks to push-up bras, chicken fillets, and clever makeup, help is out there for us all to make the best of our breasts. It’s a trend the small-boobed can join in with, whereas there’s no disguising a large bust, no matter how much bandage tape or clever necklines you try.

Personally, I believe cleavage should be mandatory in America, and ample cleavage should be highly encouraged. It is truly something Jesus would do.

She Blinded Me With Science Boobies

jennifer-love-hewittt-the-client-listYou know, if I had a dollar for every “scientific study” conducted simply for the purposes of getting nerds close to women, I would have retired a long time ago.

This heaping pile of dung comes from the Czech Republic, which is apparently filled with women who always cover their boobs. Hence. this piece of research.

Thanks to science, we have an answer to the age-old conundrum: Which breasts do men like best?

Large breasts are typically associated with fertility in women, and a plumper chest has long been tipped as the key to the male libido. To test this hypothesis, the scientists quizzed 267 men from different countries on their breast preferences: Brazil, Cameroon, the Czech Republic and Namibia.

The authors wrote in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior: ‘Individual preferences for breast size were variable, but the majority of raters preferred medium sized, followed by large sized breasts. ‘In contrast, we found systematic directional preferences for firm breasts across all four samples.’

As one who earned a doctoral degree in Breast Appreciation, I believe I speak for most men when I say boob preference is a personal decision. Different sizes matter, and Vishnu knows guys like me enjoy a good, perky nipple. My idea of a perfect set of cans are those sported by Katy Perry.

Oh yeah, she puts the lead in my pencil.

Caption Contest Winners

Lunch Time!

The Lunch Time! Caption Contest has now concluded.

Top Five Entries:
5. In an historic photo, here we see the first time young Quagmire uttered the word: “GIGGITY!!” – Toothy
4. “Should I have the left for lunch and the right for dinner, or vice versa?” – DocRambo
3. “Holy Moly! An all-you-can-eat-buffet!” – Proof
2. A rare picture of a young Wyatt…who has pretty much the same look as the older Wyatt. – Jenn

WINNER! – Someone’s about to earn his motorboating merit badge. – Sully

Is This A Bust?

Rebekah Sutcliffe And Sarah JacksonAn Assistant Chief Constable for the Greater Manchester (England) Police Department has been suspended after instigating a drunken argument about whose set of coconuts were lovlier; hers or those of a fellow officer.

Assistant Chief Constable Rebekah Sutcliffe is said to have had a late-night argument with Superintendent Sarah Jackson about whose breasts were the most attractive.

ACC Sutcliffe has now been suspended from Greater Manchester Police (GMP) for “inappropriate behaviour.” Her fellow officer is not facing any sanctions.

The bust-up reportedly took place at a hotel bar during the Senior Women In Policing conference, a glitzy event attended by female chiefs from across the country.

Details of the row also made it to Twitter where one anonymous user tweeted: “ACC Rebekah Sutcliffe suspended because of bust-up (or rather bust out!) with Supt Sarah Jackson at #SWIP16 social event.” The user went on to claim the pair had argued over “who’s got the best boobs.”

After literally scouring teh innerwebz, I could not find one photo of either Sutcliffe’s (above left) or Jackson’s (right) cans – either covered or unleashed – so this argument will likely continue unabated.

This is a far cry from my department, where most arguments revolve around the cost of butthole bleaching – it’s more expensive than you think – and whether or not the division’s man-whore has syphilis, gonorrhea, or full-blown AIDS – it’s usually gonorrhea.

Brokeback Mountains

petra-verkaikAs is usually the case, research nerds are ruining men’s fun. This time, they have released yet another study detailing the painful side effects of an ample bosom.

How come we never see a study featuring the awesome side effects of big boobs?

Bigger breasts are fueling a backache epidemic among millions of young women, new research has revealed. The trend for curvier figures – which has seen both average dress and bra cup sizes increase in recent years – has created painful side effects, particularly backache but also joint and muscle problems.

Fashion trends such as oversized handbags and high heels have also become factors that have led to one in five of women under the age of 40 suffering from joint, back or muscle pain.

Obviously this study was conducted by women – or gay men. Ladies, if you’ll indulge me for a moment, I would like to talk to you about these matters, and believe me when I tell you: I speak for all men.

All guys love big boobs. All of them. Yes, even your boyfriend/husband. If your guy claims otherwise, he is a dirty filthy liar, and the second you go to bed, he runs downstairs to scour teh innerwebz for topless photos of Kate Upton.

Guys couldn’t care less if your big boobs give you back pain. Guys couldn’t care less if your “F**k-Me-Pumps” hurt your feet. Big boobs, high heels, and dresses/skirts make you look hot, and that’s all your guy cares about. So, let’s make a deal. You leave your fantastic boobs alone, and we promise to help with your pain management twenty years down the road.

Look, guys are shallow. You know it, and we know it, so why fight it?