Where The Rub Her Meets The Road

Meet Jennifer Dorit Weber of Mankato, Minnesota. Jennifer was a little pent-up, so she decided to drive to an auto dealership, park in the lot, and diddle herself until her fingers began to bleed.

Police in Mankato, Minnesota were called to a local car dealership after receiving reports of a woman behaving crudely while parked in the parking lot.

When they arrived at the scene, they found 35-year-old Jennifer Weber lying in the backseat of a four-door Chevy Silverado…with her feet in the air…and she was practicing…”self-care.”

In fact, it took about an hour to coax Weber out of the truck, and the whole time she refused to stop touching herself. She also repeatedly told officers that she thought she was in Florida, as well. Specifically, St. Petersburg.

Now I’m not an expert on female diddling, but my guess is if you cannot finish yourself off in an hour, you either haven’t chosen the right photos, or your fingers don’t think you’re all that attractive.

Robot Stricken

In this fast pace, get-it-done-yesterday world, many humans rely on the internet far more often than they should. Simply because the internet exists does not mean we need to adapt it to every aspect of our world.

When Marci Robin entered a Florida car dealership to buy a Fiat 500x, no one thought she’d leave with an existential crisis. According to Robin, while in the process of signing paperwork to purchase the car, she was presented with a simple question, strange as it was: was she a robot?

The question, born of the online CAPTCHA form, presents a single box, to be checked only if the human on the other side can confirm that they are, indeed, human. If you’re a human, or a robot crafty enough to bypass the CAPTCHA, a single click on “I’m not a robot” is all it takes to access sites that use it, or to enter information into online forms. It’s not, as you may realize, intended for use offline.

According to Robin, she was asked to check the box on the purchasing paperwork, even though she was in the dealership and surrounded by car salesman who, seemingly, could verify that she was human.

What you’re seeing here folks, is we in the business call “peak Florida.”