Drunk Pillages The Villages

An elderly Florida man was arrested for DUI after crashing his golf cart on the campus of The Villages, a residence for old farts like this dude.

Investigators say Cary De Van, a former IBM manager, wrecked his ride early Thursday evening in a one-cart accident less than a mile from his home in The Villages, the country’s largest retirement community.

De Van apparently drove his red cart over a concrete curb, breaking its axle and dislodging the windshield. The golf cart is the preferred mode of transportation for elderly Villages people, who like to think of the sprawling development as “Florida’s friendliest hometown.”

It gets less friendly the more you destroy golf carts.

Upon contacting De Van, who was not injured in the wreck, police suspected that the octogenarian–who was slurring his words and smelled of booze–had been drinking. De Van was unsteady on his feet and unable to perform field sobriety tests. A pair of breath tests registered his blood alcohol content at nearly twice the .08 legal limit.

Well, at least Cary had a good reason to get sloshed…

While speaking with a cop, De Van reportedly explained that he “was watching President Trump on TV then got really mad at what he said.” De Van added that began consuming vodka after enduring the current president’s performance.

The best part for De Van is he’ll find some leftist judge to hear his case, and rule in Cary’s favor because Orange. Man. Bad.