The Best Funeral You’ll Ever Attend

Funerals are dreadfully sad, depressing events no one ever looks forward to attending. Now, thanks to the goof thugs of Chicago, a funeral can be the most exciting event of your very short life.

The procession was “total chaos,” Hillside Police Chief Joseph Lukaszek said. Passengers were hanging out of the vehicles’ windows and driving in and out of traffic as they headed toward the cemetery.

One of the vehicles in the procession was identified as having been involved in multiple shootings earlier Tuesday in Chicago, including one in front of a church. Police stopped the vehicle “with force” at Mannheim and Harrison roads in Hillside after a passenger inside showed a weapon.

Lukaszek said he used his SUV to ram the vehicle in order to end a short pursuit. A foot chase followed, and three men and a woman — all in their 20s — were taken into custody and are awaiting charges.

Inside the vehicle, investigators found three handguns with high-capacity magazines and high-impact ammunition, Lukaszek said. Between the four taken into custody, they had been arrested more than 160 times. (H/T – Al B.)

Chicago Mayor Rahm Emmanuel wants to become a U.S. Senator. With a track record like this, he should be the Democrats’ 2020 presidential nominee.

That’s The Chicago Way

Feckless failed Chicago mayor Rahm Emanuel reassured students their schools are a “Trump-free zone.” Apparently illegal immigrants is a bigger priority than last weekend’s seven homicides and thirty-five shootings.

Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel on Tuesday assured incoming high schoolers that they need not to worry about President Trump ending the “Dreamers” program, saying Chicago Public Schools are a “Trump-free” sanctuary for young illegal immigrants.

“To all the Dreamers that are here in this room and in the city of Chicago: You are welcome in the city of Chicago. This is your home. And you have nothing to worry about,” Mr. Emanuel told a group of freshman on the first day of classes at Solorio Academy High School, the Chicago Sun-Times reported.

“Chicago, our schools, our neighborhoods, our city, as it relates to what President Trump said, will be a Trump-free zone. You have nothing to worry about.”

Sure thing, Rahm – if that is your real name. See what happens when you try to block federal agents when they come serving warrants. Douche.

The Chicago Scrubs

For the past few days, I pressured myself to not discuss the disgusting homicide in Charlottesville, VA. There was nothing for me to add which hasn’t been said a hundred times already, and the entire incident has degenerated into who can call someone a Nazi the fastest.

Having said that, this story could not pass by without comment.

A Chicago pastor has asked the Emanuel administration to remove the names of two presidents who owned slaves from parks, saying the city should not honor slave owners in black communities. Bishop James Dukes, pastor of Liberation Christian Center, said he wants the statue gone, and he wants George Washington’s name removed from the park.

It must be exhausting to spend every ounce of energy on being perpetually offended. The balance sheet on George Washington’s life is overflowing with good, and short on bad. Not that the race baiters care.

“When I see that, I see a person who fought for liberties, and I see people that fought for the justice and freedom of white America, because at that moment, we were still chattel slavery, and was three-fifths of humans,” he said. “Some people out here ask me, say ‘Well, you know, he taught his slaves to read.’ That’s sad; the equivalent of someone who kidnaps you, that you gave them something to eat.”

Another genius who still doesn’t understand the Three-Fifths Compromise. I’ll give you the abridged version, dumbass; it was enacted to curtail the South’s legislative power regarding slavery.

The pastor also said President Andrew Jackson’s name should be removed from nearby Jackson Park, because he also was a slave owner. He said he’s not asking the city rename the parks altogether. He suggested Washington Park could be named after former Mayor Harold Washington, and Jackson Park could be named after civil rights leader Rev. Jesse Jackson or singer Michael Jackson.

Oh see, he’s a reasonable man! He simply wants 1. our greatest president and 2. one of our finest military heroes’ names stricken from the record and removed from the public square in favor of a corrupt mayor and a pedophile.

Trump was right; they Antifa mob came for Robert E. Lee, and now they’re coming for Washington.

The Chicago Drubs

chicago-cops-beaten-by-addict

A Chicago police officer who was brutally beaten by a violent suspect stated she did not use lethal force because she feared the national scrutiny which would accompany such a decision.

On Wednesday morning, police responded to a car crash at Roosevelt and Cicero on the city’s West Side where officers encountered a man that police allege was violent and under the influence of drugs. Three officers were hospitalized in the incident.

One officer who was severely beaten told Supt. Johnson she was afraid for her life and afraid to use lethal force with all of the attention on the police department’s previous actions and fatal incidents.

“She thought she was going to die. She knew that she should shoot this guy, but she chose not to, because she didn’t want her family or the department to have to go through the scrutiny the next day on national news,” Supt. Johnson said.

If you think this is an isolated incident, you are mistaken. Police officers everywhere, including in my department, would rather take a beating than risk going to jail. This is the fundamental transformation Barack Obama warned us about. It is here to stay, and people are being beaten and killed as a result.

Gimme Another Round Of Slapjacks

Natasha West ChicagoMeet Natasha West. Judging from her mug shot photo, Natasha really likes her food. So much so, she wants to share it with all her friends. Unfortunately, her generous attitude did not sit well with the management of a Chicago-area Denny’s.

The Chicagoan, 27, is facing assault and property damage charges after becoming unhinged when a Denny’s waitress explained that she was not allowed to share her $4 all-you-can-eat pancake special with her friends. West was dining at a Denny’s in Oak Lawn when a server explained that the unlimited pancake offer was good for a single diner.

This did not sit well with West, who was apparently was under the impression that her $4 bought everyone at the table and unending pancake bounty.

According to the Oak Lawn Police Department, West cursed at the waitress and threw several punches at the employee (though the blows did not land). West and her party then left Denny’s without paying their tab, but not before she repeatedly kicked a door on the way out. (H/T – Al B.)

Hmm, she doesn’t look like a person who expects something for nothing. I’m sure Natasha was just sharing her food with the poor, unfortunate, homeless victims of the one percent’s racist economy.

Pancakes to the people! *raises fist*