Fly Like An Eagle

One of China’s top nuclear scientists apparently “fell off a building” right in the middle of an alleged radiation leak at the Taishan Nuclear Power Plant. Yep, just fell off the building. Totes magotes.

As rumours of a cover-up surround the accident at China’s Taishan Nuclear Power Plant, one of China’s leading nuclear scientists, Zhang Zhijian, has died after apparently falling from a tall building.

Zhang, who had been vice-chancellor at the prestigious Harbin Engineering University, was found dead on Thursday morning.

Don’t worry, Zhang was totally not thrown off the building by ChiCom soldiers.

Born in 1963, Zhang had at least two years left before retirement. But two days before his death, another nuclear expert was appointed as the new vice-chancellor of Harbin Technical University. His death was announced in a post from the university’s official account on the Chinese social media platform Weibo.

The statement added that police had “ruled out homicide as the cause of death after on-site investigations,” without providing any additional details.

Of course they ruled out homicide; the cops didn’t want to be the next ones flying off a building.

China Screech

A Chinese man and his girlfriend were almost killed when the man bit into an iPhone battery.

This is a video of a phone battery exploding after a man in China bit into it. If you’re looking for a reason why he did it, none was given beyond, “He likes to put things in his mouth.” Seriously.

“I’m the person involved,” she wrote. “…I haven’t been disfigured; thanks for your concern. He didn’t [bite the battery] because he wanted to test its authenticity; actually my partner just has the habit of putting things into his mouth and nibbling on them. I’m okay, just my bangs were burnt a little bit. My first reaction was ‘Are my eyebrows okay?'”

She added that the battery her partner had bitten into wasn’t a genuine iPhone battery.

Wait, so you’re telling me China manufactures products which aren’t on the up-and-up? I am shocked and appalled!

You can see the bizarre video below the fold…

Continue reading “China Screech”

Welcome To My Secret Underground Lair

A satellite inadvertently captured a Chinese submarine entering an underground base in the South China Sea.

Military watchers across the internet were provided with a rare sight after photos circulated this week that appear to show a Chinese submarine using an underground base on Hainan Island on the South China Sea.

The satellite image from American imaging company Planet Labs, first posted on the social media accounts of Radio Free Asia, shows what appears to be a Type 093 nuclear-powered attack submarine entering a tunnel to an underground berth on Yulin Naval Base.

Drew Thompson, a former United States Defense Department official now at the Lee Kuan Yew School of Public Policy at the National University of Singapore, says the shot of the submarine is a rare occurrence.

Let’s hope they dug the underground base too deeply, so the entire installation can be surrounded – and destroyed – by liquid hot magma.

Don’t Trust China. China Is Asshoe!

China has been a bad actor since its founding. The country has sent us the Wuhan Virus, Jackie Chan, and now the Lanternfly. Lanternflies are indigenous to Asia – specifically China, Taiwan, and Vietnam – and were sent here in 2012, courtesy of China. The lanternflies destroy trees, vegetable gardens and flowers to name a few, and when they first appeared in PA, we were told to kill them on sight.

We’d see a few here or there, and did our best to stomp their asses. We have two trees in the backyard and two flower gardens, so the lanternflies are Wanted: Dead or, well, Dead. When we came back from the Outer Banks, there were a good dozen or so in the backyard. Some were sitting on the side of the house, some near the trees, and others near the flowerbeds.

The pricks walk around like they own the place.

So, I spent my Friday killing as many as possible – I’m pretty sure I came close to double digits – but they seemed to multiply almost immediately. I don’t want to be that Florida Man who uses a flamethrower to kill a spider, but at this point, I’m not ruling it out.

Seriously China, eat a buffet of dicks.

Ancient Chinese Fire Drill

Just when you thought it was safe to go back on the highways…

This is a video from China of a bus driver who, realizing he won’t fit through an upcoming toll booth, performs a U-turn in the middle of the highway (why would they not make toll booths big enough for a bus to fit through?). Personally, I would have done the exact same thing. Jk jk I would have gotten out of the bus and pretended I wasn’t driving it.

You can see the hilarity below the fold…

Continue reading “Ancient Chinese Fire Drill”

Ancient Chinese Secret

Chinese authorities – also known as fun-sponges – are cracking down on female live-streamers, because entertainment there is limited to walking the Great Wall and reading Mao’s biography.

Authorities in central China have issued a new set of regulations for live-streamers, including stricter rules for underage hosts and a new dress code for female presenters.

Female live-streamers are now banned from wearing lingerie and sexy uniforms, as well as see-through, flesh-coloured or figure-hugging clothing, according to the notice cited by Xinhua News Agency.

Why doesn’t China simply open their borders to Muslim immigrants? At least you’d get the same result.

Putting The “Asia” Back In Asia Carrera

China is cracking down on pr0n, and they’re offering big money for people to snitch on their countrymen. I guarantee most of the snitches will be women. Guys don’t rat out guys for looking at pr0n; it’s in the Man Code.

The Chinese government is offering big payouts to people who snitch on porno. As of this month, the country’s heavy-hitting anti-porn task force is offering up the US equivalent of $86,000 — almost exactly the average annual salary there — to anyone who reports on NSFW content.

Chinese authorities have been using this tattletale tactic successfully — offering cash to ensure a cleaner internet — since 2009. But this latest price hike is serious, effectively doubling the reward to vigilantes, according to Tech in Asia.

$86,000 for snitching? Well guys, have fun entertaining yourselves, because I’m moving to China!

A New Generation Of X-Men

While no one would ever claim I am the father of the year – allowing Kevin to play Hangman with an actual noose most lilely ruined my chances – at least I never let my kids crawl through an x-ray scanner.

Yes, you read that correctly; apparently China is the new Florida.

Security cameras were rolling at a Chinese train station when a curious toddler climbed onto a baggage belt and went through the X-ray scanner.

The video, filmed at the Xiaolan railway station in Zhongshan City, Guangdong Province, shows the man going through security when his young son disappears from view.

The man gets to the other side of the checkpoint and notices his son is missing. He turns to find the boy, who then crawls out of the luggage X-ray machine.

How are these assclowns beating us financially and militarily?

Ancient Chinese Secrets

While the leftist media continues to persist with the nonsensical Trump-Russia collusion farce, a report broke today claiming China had complete and unfettered access to Hillary Clinton’s email server.

A Chinese-owned company operating in the Washington, D.C., area hacked Hillary Clinton’s private server throughout her term as secretary of state and obtained nearly all her emails, two sources briefed on the matter told The Daily Caller News Foundation.

The Chinese firm obtained Clinton’s emails in real time as she sent and received communications and documents through her personal server, according to the sources, who said the hacking was conducted as part of an intelligence operation.

The Chinese wrote code that was embedded in the server, which was kept in Clinton’s residence in upstate New York. The code generated an instant “courtesy copy” for nearly all of her emails and forwarded them to the Chinese company.

How many of Clinton’s crime stories need to be published before Jeff Sessions and the Department of Justice investigate these matters? Don’t answer yet, since it’s a rhetorical question. It’s infuriating how many crimes this family has committed with no repercussions while Robert Mueller is convicting Trump associates for process crimes.

Participating In A Conference Ball

A Chinese executive decided to dip his pen into the company ink last week, blissfully unaware he and his China Girl were still on the conference call.

A power grid manager accidentally broadcast himself romping with a junior colleague when he forgot to hang up his video conference call.

Based on WeChat conversation screencaps, the manager of China’s Southern Power Grid filmed himself having sex with his colleague in a conference room minutes after a call earlier that morning which was attended by employees from five different provinces.

After the meeting was adjourned for a break, the manager allegedly decided to make use of the now empty conference room at the company’s Guangzhou headquarters.

Ever since the couple decided to “bang a gong,” they have been blackballed from future conference calls.