In The Line Of Liar

A Pittsburgh man who picks up dog poop for a living has been arrested after posing as a Secret Service agent. In fairness, both professions have to deal with a lot of shite.

A man whose company scoops up pet poop has been placed on probation for two years and fined $500 for buying fake Secret Service identification cards and badges online to impress women on a dating site.

Pfft, I’ve been posing as a police officer here for years, and it hasn’t landed me even one piece of ass.

Christopher Diiorio, 54, of Greensburg, was sentenced Monday by a federal judge in Pittsburgh. He had pleaded guilty in November to fraudulently using an official seal, but acknowledged behavior in two other counts dismissed Monday: flashing an ID card during a traffic stop and trying to use a Secret Service badge to get a government rate for a hotel room.

Whoa, whoa, whoa… we can get a government rate for hotels? Why was I not informed?

“Your honor, I’m not a bad man, I’m a dumb man,” Diiorio told U.S. District Judge Nora Barry Fischer. “What I did was truly stupid and I’m very sorry for that.”

As part of his probation, Diiorio must pick up after drunken agents who poop themselves, or take a dump in public. You’d be surprised how often that happens.