Strange Things Are Afoot At The Circle K

Meet Kendall Mabry of Umatilla, Flori-Duh.

Kendall was out on the town looking for a good time, but since it’s June in Florida, Kendall wanted to cool off. What better way to do so than to walk into a Circle K, sans pantaloons.

Responding to a 1:30 AM “naked woman in public” call last Thursday, police found Kendall Mabry sans pants or underwear inside the convenience store in Umatilla, a city about 45 miles from Orlando.

A Circle K clerk and a sheriff’s deputy both reported seeing Mabry emerge from the store’s bathroom “with no pants or underwear on.” When asked about her state of undress, Mabry reportedly “stated that another deputy told her it was fine to do that.”

In fairness, I tell that to all the hot girls I come across on the job. Sadly, most of them aren’t idiotic enough to actually fall for it.

Mabry, police reported, smelled of alcohol and her speech was slurred. Additionally, “the smell of marijuana was coming out of her vehicle.” Mabry’s pants were found inside her car.

My guess would be the pants were soiled. That said, yeah, I’d probably tap that.

There’s Something Afoot At The Circle K

A teenager was arrested after she was involved in an argument at the Circle K, left the scene, then came back to settle the score. You know, when I watched Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, I never saw anyone getting stabbed.

A 19-year-old woman is in custody after allegedly stabbing a clerk with a knife at a Circle K in Phoenix.

Police say Jasmine Vega had been asked to leave earlier and she returned and attacked the clerk. The victim, 27, was transported to the hospital with serious but non-life-threatening injuries.

The stabbing happened around 9:30 p.m. on Friday at a Circle K located at the corner of Indian School Road and 16th Street.

Now after vacationing there twice, I truly love Arizona. That said, the quantifier is never live near Phoenix. It’s arguably the only part of Arizona which resembles most big, crime-ridden cities.