City’s Closed: Moose Shoulda Told Ya

While most honest Americans can agree New York City’s Bill de Blasio is the worst mayor in America, Philadelphia’s Jim “I’ll Have Another Drink” Kenney obviously wants a shot at the title. Kenney ordered all large-scale events in the city canceled until March 1, 2021.

The mayor is shutting down Philadelphia for another seven and a half months, for a lockdown of eleven and a half months total. The city, as we know it, will not survive.

In a dramatic step that underscores how long the coronavirus is expected to disrupt daily life, Philadelphia officials on Tuesday canceled all large-scale events in the city through February, including the Philadelphia Marathon, the Thanksgiving Day Parade, block parties, and other iconic traditions.

The 7½-month moratorium is one of various prevention measures that will have to stay in place until the population is vaccinated against the coronavirus, and that won’t happen before 2021, Health Commissioner Thomas Farley said.

Kenney is committing economic suicide. The marathon, the parades, and all the other events bring in millions upon millions of dollars. The city is already carrying a $16.2 billion – with a “b” – debt.

Although there is good news…

The city also said fans will not be allowed at Eagles games: If professional sports teams resume playing, spectators will be barred from the stands, though that is not part of the moratorium.

This fact alone almost makes the shutdown worth it. All the drunken, white trash Eagles fans won’t be able to head to the stadium at 5am, drink until 1pm, cheer on the anti-Semitic players, then vomit on their fellow Eagles fans and assault out-of-towners for an entire season.

Also, Vishnu forbid, if they win a title, there will be no parade. Eat a smorgasbord of dicks, Eagles fans.

The ban does not apply to demonstrations or other First Amendment-protected activities, private outdoor gatherings such as weddings or family picnics, or events on private property, including performance venues and stadiums, Kenney said.

So wait, you won’t let sports fans see their teams play, but a ten-hour concert by Hot Tuna is a-ok? Wow, this is so delicious. It’s as if this assclown has no idea what he’s doing, and has no plan to deal with the Chinese Wuhan Virus. Keep voting Democrat, Philadelphia: it’s worked great so far.