True Detective Stories

They’re getting… dumber.

On Saturday evening, we heard a call over the radio for a domestic assault which appeared to evolve into a robbery. The officers who responded were both rookies, who have a total amount of three months on the job. Sadly, no veteran rode in to check on them.

Anyway, the job was dispatched around 8pm, and despite the incident occurred a few blocks from the division, it took these geniuses over an hour to arrive at my desk. The officer had a pile of paperwork, so I asked, “What is this?” The rookie “responded” by holding out the paperwork, expecting me to take it. I asked, “I’m not sorting through all your paperwork. I just want to know what kind of job this is. It’s not difficult.”

The rookie replies, “It’s a domestic.” Sighing, I take the paperwork and notice the report is coded as a robbery, so I inquire again, “Is this a robbery or a domestic assault, because downstairs coded it a robbery.”

“Um, it’s both,” the rookie replies.

I mutter, “Jesus Christ,” and motion to my supervisor, “Sarge, can you intervene here?”

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