The Feel Good Story Of The Day

San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick is in danger of losing his job, according sources in the 49ers organization. The douche canoe’s problem is not necessarily a lack of talent, but a lack of other intangible qualities.

“He can still play at a high level,” an anonymous AFC general manager told Bleacher Report’s Mike Freeman. “The problem is three things are happening with him. First, some teams genuinely believe that he can’t play. They think he’s shot. I’d put that number around 20 percent.”

“Second, some teams fear the backlash from fans after getting him. They think there might be protests or Trump will tweet about them. I’d say that number is around 10 percent. Then there’s another 10 percent that has a mix of those feelings.”

Are you ready? Here is the part that made my Johnson stand straight up…

“Third, the rest genuinely hate him and can’t stand what he did [kneeling for the national anthem]. They want nothing to do with him.”

Boom, headshot! It would truly please me if Kaepernick pulled a reverse Kurt Warner and was booted from the NFL to become a grocery bagger.

Crock The Vote

colin-kaepernick-never-votedColin Kaepernick, Hero of the Stupid and Agent of Social Justice, cares so much about change that he has never registered to vote.

Not only did Colin Kaepernick not vote in the presidential election last week, he never even registered to vote.

The Sacramento Bee searched through voter registry records and found that the San Francisco 49ers quarterback has never once registered to vote. Not in his home state of California and not in Nevada, where he attended college.

Kaepernick said it would have been ‘hypocritical’ for him to vote for either candidates, since both Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton represent ‘the system of oppression.’ But his failure to vote in either 2008 or 2012 presidential elections shows a lack of interest in even voting for President Obama, the first black man to hold the job and one who was elected through a grassroots movement.

So this penis pulsator bitches and complains about an unjust system but won’t lift a finger to necessitate change? Gee, that sounds like such a “progressive” attitude.


The San Francisco Forty-Whiners

Colin Kaepernick Sacked

Overrated NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick is refusing to stand for the national anthem before football games. Kaepernick claims he is disrespecting the anthem, and by proxy, America, because he feels African Americans are being “oppressed.”

San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick has willingly immersed himself into controversy by refusing to stand for the playing of the national anthem in protest of what he deems are wrongdoings against African Americans and minorities in the United States.

Oh, do go on! While you’re at it, don’t forget to regale us about the white couple who adopted you after you were abandoned by your African-American father.

“I am not going to stand up to show pride in a flag for a country that oppresses black people and people of color,” Kaepernick told NFL Media in an exclusive interview after the game. “To me, this is bigger than football and it would be selfish on my part to look the other way. There are bodies in the street and people getting paid leave and getting away with murder.”

You see, to someone like Kaepernick, America is a terrible, racist country created simply to keep black people down. It is an interesting theory for someone who has a net worth of $16 million, awarded to him by terrible, racist Americans.

To Colin Kaepernick, waiting in line at a Starbucks is oppression; for people in Darfur, oppression is the continuing genocide of men, women, and children.

America is arguably the least racist nation on the face of the Earth, and yet someone like this douche canoe will still bash the country which gave him so much, and asked for so little.