They All Rise For This Judge

Meet Vivian Poliana, a crazy stupid hot Colombian judge who is now under suspension after she appeared on a CCTV court hearing half naked.

A Colombian judge was suspended for three months after she conducted a court hearing half-naked from bed while smoking a cigarette.

Judge Vivian Polania violated several administrative regulations, the Judicial Disciplinary Commission in Norte de Santander ruled this week following the incident, news outlet Infobae reported.

I have no problem with this, because Philly’s female judges look like Rosa Delauro.

The scantily-clad judge, 34, appeared on a Zoom call in what seemed to be her underwear while overseeing a hearing about a car bombing aimed at an army brigade, and the raunchy clip quickly went viral, prompting the investigation into her behaviour.

The disciplinary panel’s lengthy 16-page ruling read: “Such a situation is not consistent with the care, respect and circumspection with which a judge of the republic must administer justice, denoting a clear lack of respect from the official.”

I get that, but it’s Colombia for cripes’ sake. It’s the hub of corruption, drug cartels, and car bombings. They can talk about decorum all they want, but the country has been a hot mess for decades now.

It Won’t Cowtow To Hospital Patients

A cow barreled through a Colombian hospital’s waiting room last weekend, knocking over furniture and colliding with sick patients.

An escaped cow ran inside a hospital and attacked patients, knocked over chairs and caused general panic. CCTV from the waiting room shows how the animal got inside and started running around, like a bull in a china shop on February 13.

Sounds like bullshit to me.

A group of people inside ran to a corner for safety but were followed by the cow that then slammed into them. In the video, the cow falls several times allowing some patients to escape, but leaves an injured woman trapped on the floor as two men manage to grab the animal’s lead and pull it away.

The bizarre incident occurred in Colombia’s Hospital San Rafael in the municipality of San Luis in the department of Antioquia.

Good grief, South America is a complete sh*thole. I mean, what kind of country sits idly by as mad cows wander the streets with impunity? Shoot a bolt into its brain and throw it onto the grill.

Paging Dildo Baggins…

The Wuhan Virus lockdown is hurting everyone; especially lonely, horny Colombians locked in their homes. (This is an older story, but I thought it was interesting enough to post now.)

While most Colombian businesses suffer during a five-week lockdown meant to curb the spread of the coronavirus, one online industry has seen an explosion in sales in the usually conservative country: sex toys are flying off virtual shelves.

“Sales started going up on day four of the quarantine,” said Monje, who is still able to have products delivered to customers amid the national lockdown. “We’ve seen a rise of 50%.”

Is that a rise in online sales or a rise in people’s pants?

“People are at home and have more time on their hands. They’re with their partners or alone and need fun in their daily activities when it comes to being intimate,” Monje said.

For me, those instances usually translate into sitting on the couch – sans pantaloons – with a PlayStation 4 controller, a C-3P0 mask, and a two-gallon jar of lard.

Welcome To Fantasy Island!

An island resort in Colombia is offering the vacation of a lifetime, including alcohol, drugs, and a gaggle of primo hoors. In other words, you can live like me for a weekend.

A firm offering X-rated holidays has brazenly advertised packages featuring orgies with prostitutes on a ‘drug friendly’ Colombian island. Two videos advertising the resort show men arriving for unlimited sex, drugs and alcohol.

One erotic video promoting the trips – described as a ‘sex island experience’ – shows a man arriving at a villa, where he is greeted by scantily clad girls. Another shows a balding man walking into his room to discover four naked women lying face down on his bed.

It also shows dozens of bikini-clad models gyrating on a boat, while a caption on the screen boasts: ‘Unlimited sex included’.

On the second day of the four-day sex fest clients will have half an hour with 16 women at once – and organisers say customers will be able to find their ‘true self’.

Sixteen hoors at once? Yeah, I’ll find my true self just in time to die from exhaustion.

Not Exactly Model Behavior

Meet Paulina Karina Diaz.

Paulina is a television host in Colombia, and works as a model, but her true passion is kidnapping wealthy businessmen and holding them for ransom.

According to Colombian authorities, Paulina Karina Diaz and her partner participated in the kidnapping of businessman Hugo Lopez Moncayo and lawyer Milton Caro Villamil six years ago. It is alleged they helped snatch the pair from a bar in Cali, Colombia.

The kidnappers then asked relatives for a ransom of 3 billion COP to release them, but the victims are still missing.

Official sources said: ‘Apparently, the TV host, taking advantage of her looks, had been in charge of the events and caused a distraction in the disco pub, luring the men into a room where they were locked up.’

Let’s hope she at least showed the captives her fabulous cans; otherwise, it was simply a wasted exercise for the guys. I mean, why let yourself get kidnapped and (probably) murdered if you can’t at least see some pink parts?