Pistol-Packin’ Mama

Newly-elected, smokin’ hot U.S. Representative Lauren Boebert (R-CO) has been given permission to carry her Glock pistol while serving in Congress. That should keep Ilhan Omar away.

Republican Lauren Boebert, 33, was elected this month from a conservative western Colorado district after gaining notice as a brash pro-gun activist who straps a Glock pistol to her hip. In an upset last June, she defeated five-term Rep. Scott Tipton for the GOP nomination, in part by claiming he wasn’t an ardent enough backer of President Donald Trump.

Boebert asked Capitol Police officials about carrying her weapon when she and other House freshmen taking office in January were in town recently for orientation programs, according to two congressional officials. Both people spoke on condition of anonymity to describe her request.

“There is no standing requirement” that lawmakers notify them when they carry a firearm in the Capitol, the officials wrote. Regulations require safe storage of weapons, but “that responsibility resides with the Member,” they said.

The only place Boebert cannot carry is inside the Congressional chamber, but I suspect she will pull an Andrew Jackson and carry a hickory walking cane with her.

The William Hell Overture

A new sport is taking over Colorado, and its name is Archery Dodgeball. Hmm, seems like the perfect activity for a state which prides itself on a marijuana packet in every pot.

Imagine playing dodgeball but instead of dodging balls, you’re dodging arrows flying every which way.

That’s what you can do at Archery Games Denver in Arvada, a new concept that is becoming increasingly popular in Canada but is new to the United States.

In archery dodgeball, two teams (made of 10 people each) start at opposite ends of the field with empty bows and when the whistle blows – they rush to the middle to grab arrows and then attempt to hide behind inflatable obstacles to dodge an arrow flying towards them.

Of course, the arrows are foam…

See, now ya lost me. Have fun with your non-fatal archery game. Buncha pantywaists.

Rocky Mountain High

Colorado, a state which is quietly catching California as the most batshit insane state in the union, has not only legalized marijuana, but is also ready to legalize texting and driving. What could possibly go wrong?

The electronic signs above Colorado highways offer a warning to drivers who reach for their cellphones: “New texting law fines increased to $300.”

It doesn’t mention texting while driving is now legal in Colorado as long as it isn’t done in “a careless or imprudent manner.”

The little-noticed provision softening the state’s standard is part of a new law that increased the penalties for a texting while driving carelessly citation from $50 to $300 and from one to four points on a driver’s license.

The state lawmakers who made the changes — and the law enforcement agencies that supported the move — argue the tougher penalties will deter texting while targeting the most dangerous drivers.

That’s a good point, because there are tough laws against homicide, aggravated assault and rape, and those crimes have been completely eradicated! Idiots.

Think Pink!

Free The Nipple

Forget Occupy Wall Street and Black Lives Matter. There’s a new movement seeking exposure, and its name is Free The Nipple.

A Fort Collins ordinance that bans women from appearing topless in parks and other public places is being challenged in federal court.

Representatives of the Free the Nipple movement on Tuesday filed a civil complaint in U.S. District Court in Denver claiming the city’s public nudity ordinance is unconstitutional and discriminates against women.

In their complaint, plaintiffs Brittiany Hoagland and Samantha Six allege the city’s regulation violates the free speech clause of the First Amendment as well as the equal protection clause of the Fourteenth Amendment.

Sadly, the plaintiffs look like what you would expect from an uber-liberal, bat-shit insane advocacy group; namely, exactly the type of women who should never expose their faces, let alone their nipples.

Of course, there are Colorado residents whose nipples would interest me, but I doubt they are game enough to play along.

Coloradans Declare Fatwa On Isis

ISIS Books And GiftsThe people of Englewood, Colorado have declared war on Isis. The declaration, possibly made while high, was delivered against Isis… Books & Gifts.

A Denver-area store called Isis Books & Gifts wants the world to know its name comes from the Egyptian goddess of healing and motherhood and it isn’t run by terrorists.

Co-owner Jeff Harrison said Wednesday that the suburban Denver shop has been vandalized five times in the past year or so, probably by people who mistake the name for ISIS, one of the acronyms for the Islamic State terrorist group. The latest vandalism came last weekend when a store sign was smashed after the terrorist attacks in Paris that killed 129 people.

The store sells books and gifts related to spirituality, religion and healing.

Okay, there is absolutely no excuse for vandalizing a business solely because of its name. However, it is absolutely acceptable to vandalize a spiritual book store run by hippies.