True Detective Stories

It’s been a while since I posted about Diego the Idiot Detective; not because he isn’t still stupid, but because none of the dumbass things he has done lately really angered me.

So much for that streak.

The division was stacked Friday, with nearly every detective in my squad present. Within an hour, three detectives were called to court, two more detectives had to go to Trenton, NJ to get an interview signed, and two detectives were catching up on jobs which were due a week ago. For most of the day, four of the eleven detectives were in the building – one of which was Diego.

Around noon, the phone rang, and while Diego hadn’t picked up a phone the entire day, he decided to answer this call. After a few minutes, he came up front to talk to our supervisor, claiming a man was arrested after breaking into a house and there was a crime scene. The supervisor, who knows how stupid Diego is, asked him to give the phone to the assigned detective. After a few minutes, the assigned detective came up and said, “It’s a residential burglary, and there is no scene. I don’t know what Diego told you, but as usual, he got the story entirely wrong.”

Continue reading “True Detective Stories”

True Detective Stories

So this was the sight which greeted me this morning as I arrived at work.

The intersection was cordoned off and no one was able to enter the building through the front doors. A vehicle was parked inside the crime scene with its doors open, and police cars surrounded the area. Because, really, is there nothing more satisfying than seeing a crime scene right in front of a Divisional Headquarters?

Apparently, a fine, upstanding gentleman was feeling lonely, so he inquired about a woman’s “stress relief” services. The woman, a working girl, if you will, agreed to the terms and entered the gentleman’s vehicle. Before the stress relief occurred, the working girl needed to reduce her stress by injecting heroin.

Sadly, the woman suffered an overdose and died in the gentleman’s car.

(For the record, I mean that sincerely. Heroin is a blight on this country.)

While the woman was slowly dying, the gentleman and his friend continued driving. After a while the two men realized something was very wrong, and decided to head to the nearest police station. During their journey, they passed a hospital, ignored it, continued to the division, and grabbed an officer.

The depths to which humans will sink never ceases to amaze me.