True Detective Stories

So, Saturday night was so much fun. My squad walked into work to find two domestic assault arrests, a body warrant arrest, a missing person report, a theft of an ATV, and other assorted nuisances.

I gave out five assignments in the first fifteen minutes, and since we were all very busy, I didn’t have the patience to deal with dullards.

Then Baby Huey came in.

Baby Huey is a very tall – I’d guess he’s about 6’6″ – chubby, black cop who has a crap-ton of time on this job; nearly a year and a half! Every time he brings in an arrest, it is a complete and utter clusterfrak. The paperwork isn’t done properly, or he’s missing forms, or he asks stupid questions that any casual Law & Order fan would know.

In short, he’s a dumbass; but he’s a dumbass who thinks he’s smart.

This time, Baby Huey came in with a narcotics arrest. Huey was making a car stop, saw the offender was wanted for a probation violation, and found crack cocaine and marijuana in his pockets. Baby Huey waddled to my desk and said, “I have a narcotics arrest.” I replied, “Why on Earth would you be locking up people for narcotics when the DA is arresting cops for doing their jobs?”

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