Invasion Of The Brain Snatchers

Meet Doug Teixeira and Lindsey Pelton. This obscenely attractive couple were recently arrested in Florida after they were victims of a home invasion.

Sadly, they were also the offenders.

The couple told Volusia County sheriff’s deputies that two men entered their home on Hayward Avenue through a back sliding glass door shortly after 2:30 p.m. Oct. 26. After a brief exchange with the suspects, the husband was shot in the leg and the wife was shot in the arm.

Deputies quickly suspected that something was not right as the home smelled of bleach and they found dried blood in the home and garage.

“If this incident just occurred and they called police right away, why would you have dried blood and why do we have bleach all over the house,” Sheriff Mike Chitwood said.

Chitwood said Pelton shot herself in the lower left forearm and fractured the bone and Teixeira had a bullet enter the rear of his left calf and exit the front of the calf. The injuries are not considered life-threatening.

“They shot themselves for the purpose of committing insurance fraud,” Chitwood said. “They were going to sue the homeowner to collect money.”

When people outside Florida decide to commit insurance fraud, they usually pretend to fall down the steps or claim they have whiplash. That way, they don’t bleed to death during the attempt. Idiots.

A Big Squish In A Small Pond

deltona-florida-robbery-suspect-hides-in-pond

A Florida robbery suspect was found hiding from police waist-deep in a Deltona pond. There is no word whether the suspect caught – or gave – crabs while wading through the water.

The Volusia County Sheriff’s Office said deputies responded Saturday to a Family Dollar store in Deltona, where a clerk told them a man with “Loyalty” tattooed across his abdomen claimed to have a gun and demanded money.

Deputies in a sheriff’s office helicopter spotted a man walking near a pond and wading waste-deep into the water.

Sean Torres, 29, allegedly told deputies he was “just fishing” and had dropped his pole in the water. Deputies said they questioned Torres about the robbery and he responded: “The guy who did it went that way.” (H/T – TXNick)

Doesn’t this mental defective realize the only effective use of that excuse is, “He want thataway?” Damned amateurs are giving television criminals a bad name.