Taking A Bite Out Of Crime

Meet Dennis Slaton of Greenville, South Carolina.

Dennis is just trying to find love in this crazy, mixed-up world, which is surprisingly difficult when you’re a registered sex offender. Luckily, he found the right woman, and she certainly set him straight.

According to the Greenville County Sheriff’s Office, the alleged victim told police that on 8 August, she was waiting to be picked up by someone she had met online when she saw Slaton’s white van driving outside a motel and motioned for him to pull over.

She claims she got into Slaton’s car but almost immediately felt that something was not right and asked him to drop her off. The woman offered him five dollars for the ride and he said ‘OK’. But Slaton continued to drive and pulled a knife out which he then held to the woman’s throat, yelling that she owed him $300, she claims.

The police report states he then drove her to his home where he allegedly sexually assaulted her and threatened to kill her ‘after he was done with her’.

She bit Slaton on his penis as she fought to get away, severing the organ, before grabbing the knife he had allegedly used against her to stab him in the bottom.

This woman is an honest-to-goodness hero. We should be proclaiming her name across the globe and writing songs about her. Hell, put her face on Mount Rushmore, and the U.S. Dollar… all denominations.