Marlowe Enjoys His Merlot

Meet Derek Marlowe of Flori-duh. Derek wanted to get mad educated, so he decided to stumble into a high school classroom and learn about the rhombus.

A man suspected of being extremely intoxicated rode his bike onto a Port Orange high school campus Friday morning and meandered into a class room, taking a seat at an open desk, according to the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office.

Deputies responded to Spruce Creek High School on Taylor Road Friday around 8:55 a.m. where the school resource officer had Derek Marlowe, 51, in handcuffs in the dean’s office.

Marlowe entered the school where he “lingered while classes were in session” before entering C-Hallway and walking into classroom C-20 at 8:45 a.m., surveillance video showed. The report says the door was ajar because a student came back from using a restroom and did not fully close the door behind them.

Sadly, Derek was quickly arrested by deputies, depriving the school of its best student in decades.