Boss To Fire Captain: Urine Trouble

A captain in the Plano, Texas Fire Department was suspended and demoted after he pulled into a fast food drive-thru… spilled his own urine on himself… while pantsless… wearing a gold penis ring.

Urinating into a plastic bottle, I’ll accept. Accidentally spilling the urine all over yourself, I’ll accept, unfortunate though it may be. Removing your urine-soaked pants and underwear, I’ll accept.

But urinating into a plastic bottle, accidentally spilling the urine all over yourself, removing your urine-soaked pants and underwear, and then cruising through the drive-thru line completely nude from the waist down while wearing penis jewelry? This is the sum of a bad, bad decision made by a fire captain in Plano, Texas.

The fire captain was recently arrested and charged for exposing his genitals to a fast-food worker, resulting in the captain’s suspension and demotion.

I sincerely hope the guy was getting food from Slim Chickens or a Raising Cane’s, because otherwise this entire story is one giant loss.

Woman To Wendy’s Employee: You’re Fired

Police are searching for a Euclid, Ohio woman who became upset when her Wendy’s drive-thru order took to long. The customer remained calm before firing three shots at the building.

A woman trying to order Wendy’s in the drive-thru began shooting when the fast food chain took “too long,” police in Ohio said.

A uniformed Euclid officer in a marked police car was working on off-duty assignment behind the Wendy’s restaurant late Friday, Dec. 3 when she heard three to four “very close distinct gun shots,” according to a police report obtained by McClatchy News.

“From our understanding, she was upset with her order,” Euclid Police Chief Scott Meyer told WJW. “She felt it was taking too long and she had some choice words for the staff … The manager heard her swearing at the staff members. He then told her she would not be served and to leave the lane. She was upset with that and she then fired three rounds.”

I may have mentioned this before, but when we were returning from Erik’s visit to Alderson Broaddus, we stopped at a Wendy’s near Harrisburg. We got our order quickly, but the fries took about fifteen minutes. Not once did it occur to me to start firing shots, but then again, I’m not a psychopath… usually.

Caption Contest Winners

The Would You Like Smoke Grenades With That? Caption Contest is now over.

Top Five Entries:
5. “And this time there had better not be any damn onions on that burger!!” – William
4. He literally tanked at work today! – Ronni
3. Gunner: “Can I give you two guys a friendly piece of advice, okay? Don’t ever go up to the drive-thru! Okay? Always walk up to the counter. You know why? Okay. Okay. They fuck you at the drive-thru! Okay?! They fuck you at the drive-thru! They know you’re gonna be miles away before you find out you got fucked!” – Barry D.
2. “I’m here to make a withdrawal” – Mike AKA Proof

WINNER! – Hey!!, I found a helmet in here with a Dukakis bumper sticker on it… – Sully

Locked And Loaded… With Empty Calories

The crew of a Belgian armored vehicle worked up an appetite during the Belgian National Day festivities, so they stopped for a bite to eat.

The video, filmed in Brussels, shows a tank traveling in front of the astonished men on a road after a military parade to celebrate Belgian National Day. The men followed the tank as it pulled into a fast food restaurant’s parking lot and obtained food from the drive-through.

“After a Military parade on the National Holiday in the Belgian Capital we spotted one of the tanks who took part in the parade, go towards and through a Quick burger restaurant drive-in. The soldiers eventually left with their burgers and headed home,” the filmer wrote.

Well, that’s one way to ensure you don’t get onions on your burger.