It’s All About The Kid(napping)

Meet Sabrina Belcher of Sumter, South Carolina. Sabrina fancies herself a public servant, and while she’s not rapping, she’s planning her own fake kidnapping. Sabrina is the hero Sumter deserves!

Police have arrested a Democratic candidate in South Carolina for allegedly filming a fake kidnapping of herself to win votes while running for mayor.

Authorities charged Sabrina Belcher with conspiracy as well as filing a false police report following the fake kidnapping. She was filmed being robbed, beaten and kidnapped on Tuesday in a video on Facebook live and according to The State, Belcher arranged the whole incident in order to get “sympathy” before the election.

Thankfully, like all Democrats in good standing, Belcher persisted…

Belcher is still running for mayor in South Carolina against five other candidates. In addition to her interest in local politics, Belcher also performs rap music.

The optimist in me hopes the people of Sumter will run this chick out on a rail, then I remember AOC, Ilhan Omar, and Rashida Tlaib were all elected.

Dammit, Janet!

Meet Florida’s Janet Elena Brooks, a woman who personifies the term “Bitches Be Crazy.”

Janet Elena Brooks, 22, came to Lake and Polk County sheriff’s offices and said she had been abducted by a man in the parking lot of a Clermont-area apartment complex and forced into the trunk of his car before being left at a Polk County-area dog park. Deputies said they reviewed surveillance footage and saw Brooks leaving the property and walking toward a road in the area she said she was abducted in.

When they confronted her, Brooks admitted that she made the story up because she thought another woman was interested in her boyfriend and she “just wanted to see if he truly cared about her,” deputies said.

While it’s true that cray-cray bitches are amazing in the sack, Brooks is by no means hot enough to pull that off. Ironically, she is apparently not even hot enough to be kidnapped. Sad!