An Explosive Development

A Washington, D.C. man was killed after he decided to place bottle rockets on his head and lit them during an Independence Day celebration.

Metropolitan Police released details Sunday afternoon about a man who died in a fireworks accident in Northwest Washington Friday night.

Investigators have identified the victim as 33-year-old Jose Tony Alvarez Umanzor of Northwest. Umanzor was holding a commercially made mortar firework above his head when the base of the object ejected downward after it was ignited.

Idiot, everyone knows you never launch fireworks off your skull without first placing flex tape on your melon. I mean, Phil Swift cut that boat in half and was cruiing on a lake minutes later!

At Least He Went Out With A Bang

A Kansas City man died after launching fireworks in celebration of the Chiefs Super Bowl victory.

Police say the man tried to light commercial-grade fireworks inside a mortar shell when one of them exploded.

It happened shortly after the Chiefs defeated San Francisco 31-20.

Police say officers also will be following up on 163 reports of celebratory gunfire from 5:30 p.m. Sunday to early Monday.

I never understood the rationale for rioting, firing gunshots into the air, and lighting fireworks simply because “your team” won a championship. Celebrate, cheer, and scream a bit, but dude, get a grip; you aren’t actually on the team.

Oh, and for those Never Trumpers out there, the article does not mention whether this incident occurred in Kansas City, Missouri, or Kansas City, Kansas.