Five Guys Is Down To Three Now

Meet Anthony Towles of Tyrone, PA.

Anthony was working at a Five Guys restaurant when a coworker claimed Anthony wasn’t working hard enough. Anthony did not appreciate this constructive criticism, and decided to do something about it.

Anthony Towles, 51, of Tyrone, is facing felony charges after police were called to Five Guys in Altoona and found the victim with a stab wound to their neck, mere inches from a carotid artery.

It’s literally a miracle no one has done this to Diego.

Police report that both the victim and Towles stated that they got into an argument over the victim telling him he wasn’t working hard enough. The two employees then made their way into the back parking lot behind the shopping center. The victim told police that at this point, Towles said “I’m going to kill you.”

Towles then related that he took a pen from his sock and swung it at the victim. Police noted that the victim had an inch long, rather deep cut to the left side of his head behind his ear, mere inches from a major artery.

See, I don’t get this. You’re in a restaurant with knives, a scalding hot stove, and enough cholesterol to kill ten men, but you attack the guy with a sock pen? Come on, Anthony, be better.

The Five

This story was sent to my by my friend Jim, and while it’s an old story, it is too good to ignore. It also occurred in Flori-Duh, so that’s a bonus.

Police received a report of a fist fight at Five Guys Burgers and Fries early Wednesday afternoon in Stuart.

Stuart police arrested five people who had a fist fight at a Five Guys in Stuart on Wednesday, July 17.

“Five guys were involved in the fight, and those five guys found themselves under arrest,” the Stuart Police Department wrote on Facebook.

Three juveniles and two men were charged with affray and processed at the Martin County Jail. (H/T – Jim 911)

Why would you get into a fistfight at Five Guys when you’re surrounded by delicious burgers? Oh yeah, because it’s Florida.