Oh, She Definitely Smelled It

Meet Nicole Dozois of Flori-Duh.

Nicole is a lighthearted 40-year old – yikes, she’s only forty? – who lives with her 59-year old father in Largo, FL. Their relationship is usually pretty good, save for the times the family eats a hot, delicious dinner at Taco Bell.

A Florida Woman was arrested yesterday for allegedly battering her father “due to his flatulence” inside their residence. Nicole Dozois, 40, shares a bedroom with the 59-year-old victim in a home in Largo, a city in the Tampa Bay area.

Around 2 AM Sunday, Dozois “became angry” with her father “due to his flatulence and an argument ensued,” police report. Dozois then allegedly attacked her father, punching him in the face “numerous times.”

Upon responding to the residence, cops noted that the victim “had a bloodied left eye and scratches all over his neck as a result” of the attack.

Imagine being so unstable that you beat the hell out of your father for passing gas. Maybe the punishment should fit the crime, and we can give Nicole the gas chamber.

The Fart Of War

Dawn MeikleMeet Dawn Meikle. Pretty hot, huh? Sadly, like most smoking hot women, Dawn is batshit insane.

Donald Meikle told police that his wife, Dawn, elbowed him and kicked him out of bed the morning of Friday, Dec. 11. Dawn told police her husband was repeatedly passing gas.

The fight escalated as the flatulence continued. Dawn Meikle reportedly ran to the bathroom to call 911 and also discharged a canister of pepper spray. (H/T – L-Frame)

Okay, you may think this is not a proportional response, but in Dawn’s defense, she looked like this before being exposed to the noxious fumes.

Thankfully, I am one of the only men on Earth who doesn’t break wind – unless I’m wearing a windbreaker, of course. I’m not kidding. I have a rare condition which makes it impossible to – as my kids are fond of saying – “toot.” What’s more, my bowel movements smell like fresh cut flowers, and sparkle like a kaleidoscope when the sunlight hits them. True story!