Thankfully The Poop Did Not Hit The Fan

A Fort Myers, Florida man was caught on surveillance video after he broke into Joe’s Crab Shack and released his bowels inside the restaurant.

Fort Myers police are searching for a pooping perpetrator caught on camera breaking into a Joe’s Crab Shack on Saturday.

Surveillance video shows the man squeeze through a small, broken window to get into the restaurant.

Who burglarizes a Joe’s Crab Shack? It’s not like he is going to get a hot meal after hours.

Police said the alleged suspect stole several items, including alcohol, and defecated on the floor before he left. He also snatched a Joe’s Crab Shack hat off a shelf and wore it as he walked around the restaurant.

I can understand swiping the alcohol, but there’s not a lot else he could have taken that was worth anything. But hey, Florida Man gonna Florida Man.

She Seems Sweet

It would appear Fort Myers, Florida has already gone full Road Warrior. Meet Terri Johns. Terri was waiting at a gas station when she believed two women were going to cut into the line. Johns did what any sane person would do, and pulled out her firearm.

A North Fort Myers woman is behind bars after police arrested her for pulling a gun on two women in a gas line in Fort Myers.

Terri Johns, 59, pointed a gun at a car with two women inside because she thought they were trying to skip the line to get gas, according to the Fort Myers Police Department.

The problem here is Johns jumped to conclusions entirely too early.

According to FMPD, the women were actually trying to make a u-turn in the traffic.

Johns was charged with aggravated assault and a weapons offense, because she was too stupid and impatient to wait until she had the facts.