Indiana Drones

The Indianapolis Police Department had a banner day on April 28th, when officers observed a vehicle interrupt a funeral procession and observed passengers pointing guns out the windows.

Honestly, that’s a day ending in “y” in my town.

Several men are facing firearms and drug charges after police witnessed a vehicle run cars off the road during a funeral procession and men display weapons out of the vehicle’s sunroof and windows, according to the Indianapolis Metropolitan Police Department.

Seriously, who runs a funeral procession off the road?

IMPD says on April 28, its Crime Gun Intelligence Center was conducting surveillance on a case when it observed a funeral procession pass by. During the procession, CGIC saw a vehicle occupied by men running cars off the road and displaying weapons out of the sunroof and windows of the vehicle.

CGIC surveyed the vehicle until it could be safely stopped at a gas station at 2360 E. Raymond Street. Authorities detained five people and discovered five firearms during the investigation. One person was released on the scene.

The officers recovered five firearms, marijuana, and heroin, so the post-funeral party was gonna be lit!

My Last Will And Testament

I, Wyatt Earp, being of somewhat sound mind and fabulous body, do hereby declare at the time of my passing, I have a fabulous Latin American babe twerking atop my coffin. I’m no lawyer, but I am reasonably certain a blog will is legally binding.

A video of an unexpected funeral celebration is making waves online. In the video, a group in an apparently Latin American country can be seen surrounding an outdoor casket. The wooden coffin is propped up on two motorcycles and wrapped in some kind of plastic. The short clip shows a woman, dressed in a black shirt and jeans, twerking atop the raised casket.

Over the course of just over twenty seconds, the woman grinds and gyrates in front of a celebratory crowd. Twice, she leans forward to plant a kiss on the glass covering between she and her loved one.

Find someone who loves you the way this woman loves twerking on coffins.

Oh, and guys, there is video of the twerking at the link. I’m sure you won’t check it out because of the solemnity of the funeral procession, but just in case…

High Man On The Totem Pole

taiwan-pole-dancing-funeral-processionWhen you’re pushing fifty and you’ve suffered the health problems I have, you start thinking about your mortality. I wonder when I’m checking out, how I’m checking out, and what my funeral will be like.

I sincerely hope my funeral will mirror this one

A Taiwanese politician has been given a final farewell in the form of a street procession, with 50 bikini-clad women dancing on top of colourful jeeps.

76-year-old Tung Hsiang’s two-hour long funeral procession was organised by his son who said his father “enjoyed a buzz.” “He told us he wanted this through a dream two days before the funeral”, his brother Tung Mao-hsiung said.

I, being of unsound mind and imperfect body, respectfully request a funeral procession chock full of busty, redheaded pole dancers, shakin’ their bacon atop gas-guzzling Humvees. Make it happen.

Drive Angry

A Florida woman was arrested this weekend after trying to force her car through a funeral procession, most likely to disrobe outside a Waffle House.

A car has crashed into the middle of a funeral procession for a victim of the Orlando massacre, putting two cops in hospital.

The funeral motorcade for Jean Carlos Mendez Perez was traveling from a church to a grave site in Kissimmee, south of Orlando, when an impatient female motorist tried to bypass the procession around 11.30am.

A female driver? Color me surprised.

Two Osceola County deputies – who were on motorcycles to protect the procession – were rushed to the hospital after the crash. One is in a serious but stable condition and the other is stable.

I can already see the conversation at the Osceola County Sheriff’s Medical Dispensary:

“Hey bud, how were you injured in the line of duty?”
“I was shot three times responding to a robbery. You?”
“Um… some stupid bint drove through a funeral procession and knocked me off my bike.”

This is why I told my coworkers I was stabbed in the stomach while stopping a kidnapping, instead of telling them about the twisted intestines.