Hot Tuna

There’s an old Irish saying which transaltes loosely to “You can tune a piano but you can’t tuna genitals.” It sounds better when repeated in Gaelic.

AN IRISHMAN and two others have been jailed for the manslaughter of a homeless man found naked at Malaga Airport with his genitals in a tuna can.

James O’Byrne, 59, was sentenced to two years in prison alongside Finnish nationals Jussi Munck, 41, and Mike Soininem, 48. The victim, 51-year-old Steven Allford, was discovered lying face-down on a bench outside the Spanish airport’s arrivals lounge on October 21, 2016.

The Londoner was found with his trousers down, ham on his exposed buttocks and his genitals placed inside an empty tuna can. He was also bound with cable ties.

Thankfully, the genitals were packed in water, instead of the less-healthy oil.

Balls Of Fury

A Chinese kung fu master has achieved internet fame after attaching a cord to himself and dragging a bus with his ball sack.

A kung fu master in China showed off his strength in a highly unusual way – using his genitals to pull an entire bus.

The video, filmed May 2, shows Master Wei Yaobin in Huizhou, Guangdong Province, using a rope attached to his nether regions to pull the bus, which reportedly weighs more than 13 tons. The martial artist pulled the vehicle a distance of more than 6 feet.

As a result of dragging the bus, Master Wei now has to drag his sack everywhere he goes.

A Ham-Handed Investigation

ham-and-tunaSpanish police encountered a fishy situation after discovering a half-naked dead man whose genitals were lying inside a tuna can.

A British man found half-naked and tied to a bench at Malaga Airport took a bizarre twist as it emerged he had ham on his buttocks and his genitals were in a can of tuna.

A slice of ham had been placed on each of Steven Allford’s bottom cheeks before he was discovered on Friday morning.

A security guard raised the alarm after discovering him bound to the bench with plastic ties on one of his hands and his leg and his trousers round his ankles just before 9am. Murder squad detectives were called in following initial speculation the 51-year-old had been asphyxiated.

Apparently this poor bastard died with his Prince Albert in a can.