Riiiiight!

So I’m scouring teh innernetz for story ideas when this piece of nonsense popped up. Apparently this British guy sent a letter to an advice column, claiming his girlfriend only wants to have sex with him if her girlfriends can join in.

Excuse me if I am highly skeptical. Real life isn’t Cinemax.

Sometimes it feels like all my birthdays have come at once and other times I think she might be bored with me. My girl is gorgeous and all my mates envy me. Amazingly, her three besties are hot, too…

Translation: I’m not attractive and neither is my make-believe girlfriend, so I pretend a gaggle of broads beat down my door to hop on Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride.

Then they sat next to me on the sofa and started running their hands all over my hair and body. I was on cloud nine. I asked my girlfriend what was going on and she told me to chill out and enjoy the ride.

Translation: I dreamed up this completely imaginary scenario while flying Spirit Airlines to fabulous Trenton, New Jersey. I would have inserted more details but I woke up when the stewardess asked me if I wanted peanuts or pretzels.

When I was in college, I had more than a few girlfriends. When I was in high school – especially senior year – I had a different girlfriend almost every other week. That said, nothing even close to this has ever happened to me, because fantasies like these never actually happen.