Houdini Has Nothing On This Chick

Meet Jimena Gonzalez Ramirez of Flori-Duh.

Jimena was having a really bad day. She guzzled entirely too much beer, got stopped and arrested for DUI, then slipped out of her handcuffs, not once, not twice, but four times.

A woman arrested for a DUI managed to slip out of her handcuffs four times early Thursday morning, Lee County Sheriff’s Office reported.

Jimena Gonzalez Ramirez, 19, was caught drunk driving after crashing into another car around 1:24 a.m. on Alico Road and Jean Street. When she got out of the car, she was mumbling and struggling to stand.

Deputies took her to the hospital and then to the Lee County Jail. During that time, she repeatedly slipped out of her handcuffs.

Well, I guess that doesn’t bode well for suitors who purchase fur-lined handcuffs. That said, I’d drill that like a Texan looking for oil.

Something About Collars And Cuffs…

A randy British couple had to call 999 after their lovemaking turned into a lockpicking.

The Greater Manchester Police’s Rochdale station said officers responded to a home at 4:30 a.m. Friday to help a couple having difficulty with a pair of handcuffs.

“Male phoned requesting help as his girlfriend had locked him in some handcuffs and they couldn’t now find the key,” the department’s tweet said. “Wanted police as he feared the fire brigade would cut them and they were expensive.”

Police said the man was “released” from the cuffs, but the department did not say whether the expensive restraints were damaged in the rescue.

Wow, imagine how long the guy would have been stuck if Manchester defunded their police force.

Driving Miss Crazy

Roxanne RimerMeet Roxanne Rimer from Beaver County, Pennsylvania. Heh, heh, “Beaver.” You may not be able to tell by her photo, but Roxanne is a very nimble little minx.

She can also drive better than you with her hands tied behind her back. Seriously.

Authorities say Roxanne Rimer was handcuffed and placed in the back of the cruiser after being accused of shoplifting in January. Officials said she squeezed through an unlatched opening and crawled into the front seat, then zoomed off and led officers on a nearly 10-mile chase, weaving in and out of traffic, before crashing.

Twenty-eight-year-old Roxanne Rimer, of Chippewa Township, also pleaded guilty Tuesday in Beaver County Court to an unrelated theft charge.

After spending my first decade in patrol, I have become an expert in driving while eating, writing, and/or glancing at the police terminal. This is never something I would recommend to the average person, but when you’re speeding from job to job, you have to make do. That said, at least one of my hands were free while I was working, and I would never attempt to try driving otherwise.

I give this chick kudos for driving so effectively at such high speeds. My guess is she was using her knees to drive. Roxanne is probably an idiot savant. Or just an idiot.