High Fashion

Demented, drunken stumblebum Hillary Clinton wowed audiences this weekend by modeling the newest Paris imports. This ensemble was manufactured by the homeless mime lying at the base of the Eiffel Tower.

Twice-failed presidential hopeful, Hillary Clinton spoke at Ozyfest, a two-day festival in Central Park, on Saturday and she looked terrible.

Hillary donned a mumu-style top that nearly touched the floor and white pants. Her hair was disheveled and she had very prominent bags under her eyes.

Clinton complained about Russia and Vladimir Putin for almost 45 minutes straight during a Q&A session with Laurene Powell Jobs, founder of Emerson Collection.

Wait a minute, I knew this outfit looked familiar…

Third Time’s The Smarm?

If this article is any indication, President Trump may be celebrating Christmas in July.

Hillary Clinton is up to something.

Five times in the last month alone, she sent e-mails touting her super PAC’s role in combating President Trump. Most seized on headline events, such as the family-separation issue at the southern border.

And the day after Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy announced his retirement, Clinton introduced Demand Justice. It promises to protect “reproductive rights, voting rights and access to health care” by keeping Senate Democrats united in opposing any conservative Trump nominee.

The instant, in-house nature of Demand Justice was reflected by the name of its executive director: Brian Fallon, Clinton’s campaign press secretary.

Fallon’s role doesn’t tell us something we didn’t know. Onward Together, formed in May of 2017, is a Clinton 2020 campaign vehicle in waiting. Its homepage says the group “is dedicated to advancing the vision that earned nearly 66 million votes in the last election.”

Dear Missus Cankles, please, please, please run again in 2020. I beg of you. Run in 2024, 2028, and 2032, for that matter. You are the gift which keeps on giving, and a third consecutive loss will destroy you.

IG Report On Clinton Scandal Released

The Inspector General’s office has released a report detailing the actions of the Justice Department during the Clinton e-mail server investigation. While the report contains some damning information, it says little to nothing about criminal prosecutions.

Inspector General Michael Horowitz’s report, which is expected to be released within the next three to four weeks to the public, has been turned over to current and former officials for review.

The draft, however, does not include any recommendations for criminal prosecution. If there was any evidence collected by the Inspector General’s office of criminality, Horowitz would then refer the matter to the Department of Justice and submit a criminal referral to prosecutors.

“It would be up to the Inspector General to make the recommendations but there is an expectation that there will be at least one referral for prosecution,” said a source familiar with the findings, who added it is not conclusive as the Inspector General’s office never discusses ongoing investigations. (H/TAOSHQ)

In other words, Hillary, Loretta Lynch, James Comey, and all their minions will most likely walk. Again. The United States has become a lawless, desolate, wasteland, where celebrities and politicians can do whatever they like without fear of repercussions.

More Dirty Dealings By Hillary Clinton

Disgraced, two-time presidential loser, whiny bint, and angry drunk Hillary Clinton had $150,000 sent to her personal company from her failed presidential campaign.

Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign has transferred nearly $150,000 of leftover campaign funds to a company she solely owns in the months following her election defeat, according to filings with the Federal Election Commission (FEC).

The Clinton campaign has paid $149,457 to ZFS Holdings LLC, since May 2017 for the purpose of “rent,” FEC filings show, but the campaign has left it unclear if it’s paying at, above or below fair market value for the office space it’s renting. Also, the rent payments to ZFS were sent to the same address as Rorrie Gregorio, Clinton’s personal financial manager.

Using campaign funds for personal use is a violation of federal campaign law. According to Campaigns and Elections, “knowing and willful” violations of the personal use rule can result in prosecution and jail time.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Hillary Clinton will never, ever be investigated, charged, or convicted for any crimes. It is, however, nice to know people are still reporting her dirty, corrupt dealings.

Brace For Impact

Elderly deranged drunkard former presidential candidate Hillary Clinton has been seen wearing a bulky scarf to hide what some believe to be a back brace.

Hillary Clinton has donned yet another massive scarf during an appearance in Australia after earlier photos indicated she might be trying to hide a back brace.

The 70-year-old draped the $1,100 patterned Hermes cashmere blend shawl around her shoulders when she met with Australian former Prime Minister Julia Gillard in Melbourne.

Her scarf was tied high around her neck and covered the top of her navy blue jacket. It comes after social media users pointed out earlier in the week that Clinton was mostly likely opting for the style choice to hide a possible back brace.

She was photographed coming out of her daughter Chelsea’s apartment in New York last week with a strange protrusion coming from underneath her jacket.

Oh please, that’s simply her robotic exoskeleton. It is necessary to help Hillary walk, talk, and receive vital liquids; like scotch.

You can see the apparatus – and the back brace – more clearly by clicking here.

She Is Never Going Away

Amy Chozick, a NYT reporter who wrote a book on Hillary Clinton entitled, “Chasing Hillary,” claims The Hildebeast lost the 2016 election because of – wait for it – sexism.

She contends that sexism played a big role in Clinton’s defeat but also encounters it first-hand among Clinton’s campaign staff.

When Chozick zeroes in on Clinton and leaves herself out of it, she can be perceptive, pithy and surprising. On Clinton’s apparent disdain for the electoral process: “If there was a single unifying force behind her candidacy, it was her obvious desire to get the whole thing over with.” On Clinton’s ambition: “Her only clear vision of the presidency seemed to be herself in it.”

I’m no detective, but I think it’s safe to say Hillary’s arrogance and ignorance also cost her the presidency. She believed it was her birthright, and when she lost, she blamed everyone but herself.

“Chasing Hillary” offers some searing moments surrounding election night, as when the Clinton team’s data guru grasps that his Florida models were off (Latino turnout lower than expected, white turnout huge in the Panhandle), then turns to campaign manager Robby Mook and says, they could be wrong everywhere.”

Mook eventually delivers the news of impending defeat to Clinton. “I knew it. I knew this would happen to me,” she answers. “They were never going to let me be president.” (H/T – AOSHQ)

Gee Hillary, who is the “they” here? The illuminati, black helicopters, white people? The only person who never let you be president is you. Stop making excuses for your loss and take responsibility for your poisonous, toxic personality.

Caption Contest Winners

The I’ve Got A Secret Caption Contest is now over. For the record, every single entry was outstanding. Kudos!

Top Five Entries:
5. The Clintons and close ally Elizabeth Warren who now claims common ancestry with the Easter Bunny. – Taminator
4. “Bill, look at your silly intern over there; she got cream filling all over her blue dress. And Huma, keep the bunny costume (wink, wink).” – Jim
3. “Hey Bill….do you remember Fatal Attraction?” – Kevin
2. Vince Foster.
In the library.
With a revolver. – Mike AKA Proof

WINNER! – “You’ll NEVER be President!” – Dalek

Weekend Caption Contest

I’ve Got A Secret Caption Contest
(Source: Associated Press)

Caption this photo in the comments section. The winners will be posted on Monday, April 9th.

Original Caption: As the Easter Bunny applauds at right, President Clinton huddles with first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton at the White House, Monday, April 8, 1996, during the annual White House Easter Egg Roll and Hunt. (Photo: Dennis Cook/AP)

Ready For Spillary!

Vanquished presidential candidate and sloppy drunkard Hillary Clinton earned a natural hat trick by falling for a third time in India.

Two days after a nasty fall in a hotel bathtub left Hillary Clinton with a broken wrist, the former Secretary of State was spotted making the best of a bad situation while continuing her tour of India.

Hillary was seen in Jaipur on Thursday where she appeared to be adopting an out-of-sight and out-of-mind approach to her recent injury by wearing a kurta that had been customized to make one sleeve longer than other.

To achieve this, the loose and flowing top was wrapped tightly around Hillary’s torso, transforming the once comfortable piece into a more constricting look complete with an empire-waist. That allowed Hillary enough extra fabric to cover her wrist with both her top and the shawl she wore while spending her day touring historic monuments alongside gal pal Huma Abedin.

She. Looks. Fabulous! I had no idea the fashion world unveiled a Slenderman line. Can you imagine what would have happened if this harpy won the presidency? The woman is obviously dealing with some severe health issues, slips and falls, and who knows what other maladies.

By the way, “gal pal” in this case is code for “longtime companion.”

Thank You And Run Again!

The most ungracious loser in the history of American politics is taking her weepy roadshow to Asia. Her first stop, the evil patriarchal country of India.

The moderator asked Clinton why she thinks almost 52 percent of white women voted for Trump, despite knowing about the controversial “Access Hollywood” tape.

“[Democrats] do not do well with white men and we don’t do well with married, white women,” Clinton explained. “And part of that is an identification with the Republican Party, and a sort of ongoing pressure to vote the way that your husband, your boss, your son, whoever, believes you should.”

Gee Hillary, all that salt is bound to give you a heart attack.