Amber Waves Of Grain Alcohol

Meet Amber Stovall of Raleigh, North Carolina.

Amber is passionate about pencil-thin eyebrows, construction workers, and guzzling quarts of vodka while driving the open road.

Officials said Amber Stovall, 32, of Rock Service Station Road, was likely under the influence of alcohol at the time. In addition to hit-and-run, she was charged with carrying unsealed wine or liquor in her car.

Around 3:30 a.m., the victim, a 43-year-old flag worker, stopped Stovall and other cars on Rock Quarry Road near Interstate 40.

Police said Stovall, who was in a white van, got impatient and crashed into the flag worker. Stovall fled the scene, but workers were able to chase after her van, and one construction worker jumped through her window to stop her.

Thankfully, there were not lit flares outside the construction area. Considering Amber’s obviously high blood alcohol content, the resulting explosion would have been seen from the International Space Station.

Caption Contest Winners

The East Bound And Down Caption Contest is now over.

Top Five Entries:
5. Ocasio-Cortez puts her “New Green Deal” into action! – William
4. What is sadly known as a Maduro Speed Bump. – Jim
3. An artist’s conception of the reelection of President Trump. – Barry D.
2. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the EM-50 Urban Assault Vehicle.. – Sully

WINNER! – Now that is how you treat ANTIFA scum. – Cathy

Weekend Caption Contest

East Bound And Down Caption Contest
(Source: Reuters)

Caption this photo in the comments section. The winners will be posted on Monday, May 6th.

Original Caption: An opposition demonstrator is struck by a Venezuelan National Guard vehicle on a street near the Generalisimo Francisco de Miranda Airbase “La Carlota” in Caracas, Venezuela. REUTERS/Ueslei Marcelino

Drive Hangry

Meet Luis Alberto Ferri of Broward County, Florida.

Luis has a good heart, so when he waved a pedestrian across the intersection, Luis considered it his good deed for the day. Then Luis changed his mind.

Luis Alberto Ferri, 36, surrendered to authorities after the incident was caught on camera last month, the Broward County Sheriff’s Office said in a news release.

The video shows Ferri allegedly stopped at a crosswalk in Oakland Park to allow a pedestrian to pass.vBut, as the person crossed in front of Ferri, he allegedly “accelerated and turned in the direction of the victim.

The incident left the pedestrian with a broken leg, according to the sheriff’s office.

Lovely. I’ll bet Luis will be the darling of C Block.

Curb Your Enthusiasm

Meet Courtnay Danielle Lawrence.

Courtnay is a suspect in a North Carolina hit-and-run, but she’s vehemently professing her innocence in the most inane way possible.

Wilmington police used Facebook and tips from the public to identify a young woman they said tried to hit a former boyfriend with her car.

Police pulled a photo of Courtnay Danielle Lawrence, 22, posing with her damaged 2016 Hyundai Elantra from social media.

Police circulated video of the hit-and-run on Rutledge Drive where a dark sedan could be seen plowing into a walking couple. On Friday, they identified her as Lawrence and charged her with assault with a deadly weapon, hit and run, failure to give information/aid to personal injury and driving without a license.

You go girl! Ain’t no man gonna keep you down.

(You can see the video of the incident at the link. It’s cray-cray.)