Hot Tuna

There’s an old Irish saying which transaltes loosely to “You can tune a piano but you can’t tuna genitals.” It sounds better when repeated in Gaelic.

AN IRISHMAN and two others have been jailed for the manslaughter of a homeless man found naked at Malaga Airport with his genitals in a tuna can.

James O’Byrne, 59, was sentenced to two years in prison alongside Finnish nationals Jussi Munck, 41, and Mike Soininem, 48. The victim, 51-year-old Steven Allford, was discovered lying face-down on a bench outside the Spanish airport’s arrivals lounge on October 21, 2016.

The Londoner was found with his trousers down, ham on his exposed buttocks and his genitals placed inside an empty tuna can. He was also bound with cable ties.

Thankfully, the genitals were packed in water, instead of the less-healthy oil.

Wedding Proposal Ends In Murder

Meet Christopher R. Tucker of Berks County, PA. In a week already full of jaskasses who need to be put down, Tucker may be moved to the head of the class.

A 34-year-old Berks County man earlier this week asked a 19-year-old Upper Macungie woman to marry him, and when she said “no” he snapped, strangling her, breaking her neck and beating her with a hatchet in his home. After the grisly killing, Christopher R. Tucker wrapped Tara M. Serino’s body in a rug, left it in his Albany Township home and fled to Illinois.

Tucker told the detectives that a few days earlier he had asked Serino to marry him. She declined his proposal, and told Tucker she was sleeping with other men and made a comment that he should just kill her.

Tucker then killed Serino, he told detectives, admitting he strangled her until he believed she was dead. He then poked her eyes out, snapped her neck and hit her with a hatchet until he knew she was dead.

Tara’s obituary can be seen here. Such a beautiful girl, lost because some piece of garbage couldn’t take no for an answer. I sincerely hope Tucker gets shanked in prison. Repeatedly.

Just Another Day At The Office

Tuesday night was an interesting tour in my division, and the thugs were especially randy.

The man went to Michelle Saint-Aude’s Frankford house around 1:15 p.m. Tuesday and shot her four times following an argument outside the residence. As Saint-Aude lay bleeding on the ground, the man stood over her and fired another shot into her body. She was pronounced dead at Einstein Medical Center at 1:53 p.m.

Following the shooting, the man was reported to be inside a house on the 1300 block of East Haines Street, more than five miles away. A barricade was declared at the house 6:30 p.m. During the standoff, the man fired shots at officers from the roof, from the front of the house, and from the rear. No injuries were reported.

Around 1:30 a.m., police entered the residence and found him dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head.

This piece of detritus had a long arrest record, and – get this – was just released from prison. He could have saved us time by shooting himself before murdering his ex-girlfriend. May he rot in Hell.

Animal Murders Elderly Man In Cleveland

Meet Steve Stephens, the so-called “Facebook Killer.”

An arrest warrant has been issued for Stephens after he murdered an elderly grandfather while he was walking down a Cleveland street. Stephens claimed he has murdered over a dozen people so far, and was last rumored to be in the area of Erie, Pennsylvania.

Police in Ohio urged residents in Pennsylvania, New York, Indiana and Michigan to be on the lookout for Steve Stephens, 37, who may have fled Cleveland after allegedly gunning down Robert Godwin Sr., 74.

An arrest warrant was issued for the suspect, who is wanted on a charge of aggravated murder after posting the shaky video of himself confronting the elderly man — a father of nine and grandfather of 14 — holding a plastic bag.

“Found me somebody I’m going to kill,” he says, chillingly. “I’m going to kill this guy right here. He’s an old old dude, too.” He asks his victim a “favor” by saying his girlfriend’s name, Joy Lane, whom Godwin said he didn’t know.

“She’s the reason that this is about to happen to you,” Stephens tells Godwin, who then shields his face with the bag before being shot in the head.

The son of a bitch murdered Mr. Godwin on Easter Sunday. Let that sink in.

Stephens claimed he will continue murdering people until he is caught, so this animal needs to be put down as soon as possible. The video of the murder can still be found online, but I wouldn’t recommend watching it. It will make you very, very angry.

PA Woman Marches To A Different Drum

Meet 38-year old Teresa Drum of Frazer, Pennsylvania. Teresa loves to cook, and while her creations are not always Gordon Ramsay-worthy, it’s best not to criticize her effort.

Police in Pennsylvania say a woman fatally shot her husband after arguing about a casserole she burned, then took a photo of the body, texted it to a friend and showered before calling 911.

Frazer police responding to the call Monday night found 42-year-old Dennis Drum Sr. lying dead on a bed with a gun in his hand and a gunshot wound to the forehead.

Teresa Drum told officers her husband shot himself after they argued about the burnt casserole and over the fact that she drank his last beer. She said he shot himself as she called 911. Police say there was no gun in Dennis Drum’s hand in the photo and it was taken 11 minutes before the 911 call was made. (H/T – Metoo)

Personally, I think stabbing the victim with a serving fork would have been more appropriate for this case. It’s a shame Teresa wasn’t making Hamburger Helper, because her alibi could use a helping hand.