Someone’s Gettin’ Lucky

It’s difficult finding love when you’re a tip pot dictator in the worst country on the planet. Kim Jong-Un is so ronery, and he has so much love to give.

The good news is there’s a new Dragon Lady in town, and her name is Hyon Song-wol.

The ongoing drama of North Korea’s ruling dynasty has taken another twist with reports of a mystery power shift in the supreme leader’s Kim Jong-un inner circle. It appears his wife and ambitious sister have been pushed out by a former lover – one of the country’s leading pop stars.

They’re dead.

The two other women in Kim’s life, his wife, Ri Sol-ju and his sister Kim Yo-jong, seem to have been sidelined as the glamorous Hyon Song-wol is increasingly seen at his side.

They’re. Dead.

Ri Sol-ju, 31, has not been seen in public since the new year. Kim Yo-jong has disappeared from public view before, raising speculation that there might have been a falling-out between the pair, but she has bounced back without any acknowledgement of her absence.

FOR THE LAST TIME, THEY’RE DEAD!

Hyon Song-wol is the leader of The Moranbong Band – also known as Moran Hill Orchestra.

Eh, I mean she isn’t ugly. I’m sure she would look much better with some makeup, lingerie, and lying on my bed, but hey, who am I to argue? I wish the happy couple the best, and mourn her passing the second she displeases Kim Jong-Un.