True Detective Stories

Monday was the first day of a five-day, Monday to Friday day work week – easily the worst combination in recorded history. My shift work schedule hits us with a “normie schedule” once every few months, but working the same hours as regular people is depressing. It is even more depressing when you work with stupid, incompetent people.

The first contestant was a firefighter who claimed his vehicle was stolen. Okay, that’s a nice, run-of-the-mill job. Wait, your uniforms, fire gear, and SCBA tanks were in your vehicle, as well? Awesome! Let’s ignore the fact this is a violation of city policy and address why the f**k you would leave items like those in your car overnight in the hood!

The second contestant was even more “special.” The police officer came to make a report he lost his firearm. Okay, that seems bad on the surface, but it became even more interesting when we were told the officer lost his city-issued firearm. Up twinkles!

The moral of the story? Life is hard, kids. It’s harder when you’re stupid.