A True Ride Along

You know, if you’re being pursued by police cars for alleged drug possession, it’s probably a better idea to keep driving instead of say, hiding in the worst possible. Yes Virginia, there are morons in Britain.

A driver being pursued by police pulled over, ran from his car and hid – in a police station.

Thames Valley Police saw the funny side of the incident, tweeting: “We were worried when a driver stopped his car and ran to a building to hide… “Luckily that building was Aylesbury Police Station!”

Using the thumbs-up emoji, it said the station’s front counter had since reopened to the public “and anyone looking to hide from police”. It added a “number of small items” were thrown inside the station and it had closed briefly so they could be recovered.

I cannot wait until this toad lights a building on fire and runs into the nearest firehouse.

True Detective Stories

Last night I had to deal with the dumbest criminal on the face of the Earth. Today I have an appointment with a urologist who, last time, inspected my, um, prostate. I’m not sure which event was worse.

No, it’s definitely the criminal.

Sometime last year, this clown was “allegedly” involved in a drive-by shooting. The moron didn’t have a criminal record at the time, but he was “criminal curious.” He enjoyed hanging out with neighborhood thugs, so he agreed “allegedly” to involve himself in a drive-by. We eventually locked him up, and – hold on to your hats – he beat the rap.

Fast-forward to a few weeks ago, where our hero lent his vehicle to another team of drive-by specialists. The shooters got away, but we recovered our hero’s vehicle. Now he is calling the division on a daily basis asking for his vehicle to be returned. When told his vehicle is still being processed for evidentiary value, our hero became very irate.

Our hero continually repeated “This is bullshit,” while screaming into the phone, and periodically hanging up on me. He would call back moments later to berate me more, as if this was the straightest route to recouping his car. During the final call, he opened the conversation by stating, “Yeah, I have been taping my conversations, and Imma gonna give them to my lawyer.”

I giggled. I then explained PA State Statutes 5703 and 5704.

To wit: It is unlawful to record any telephone communication without first obtaining the consent of the participants to the communication. And because the provision of the statute dealing with wireless communications applies to “any transfer of signs, signals, writing, images, sounds, data or intelligence of any nature,” consent likewise is required to disclose the contents of text messages sent between wireless devices.

I then explained the penalties for such violations: Illegally recording an in-person conversation or electronic communication is a felony offense. 18 Pa. Cons. Stat. Ann. § 5703.

Miraculously, our hero’s demeanor instantly changed. “Sir, sir, I never taped you. I never taped you!”

“Well, you said you taped me, and I heard it rather clearly.”

“No sir, no. I didn’t. I didn’t! My grandma is right here with me, and she heard the entire thing!”

“I heard it, too, genius. Let’s do this. You call come here to talk about your car, and I’ll explain the statute to you while obtaining a search warrant for your phone. Oh, and by the way, if you erase or otherwise remove those recordings, you’ll be looking at a tampering with evidence charge. Have a nice day.”

As I hung up the phone, our hero was still crying, “Sir… sir!”

OH I ALMOST FORGOT: Today is the third anniversary of the blog. I usually cite June 6th as my actual anniversary, since I started blogging that day, but the new digs are officially three years old.

Will It Prey In Peoria?

Arizona is a beautiful state; one I wish to make my retirement home. The Grand Canyon state is not for everyone however, because the heat makes people stupid.

On Friday, February 16, at 6:10 PM, Peoria Police Department (AZ) were dispatched to a possible shoplifting in the area of 24650 North Lake Pleasant Parkway. While enroute to the call one officer noticed a vehicle matching the description at the gas station at 23336 N Lake Pleasant Parkway. As the officer approached the vehicle, two subjects took off running southbound from the gas station.

The suspects ran directly toward the front doors of our north precinct building. It should be noted that there is a very large “Peoria Police” sign above the door. They continued to run along the building and then decided to hop the fence into the secure area of the Police Department. The male suspect jumped back over the fence where officers took him in custody. The female suspect decided to hide under a bench in the secured area and was taken into custody. (H/T – TXNick)

You can see the video of these morons at the link. I wonder if more criminals would run toward the police station if they erected a “Criminal Hideout” sign on the building’s roof?