True Detective Stories

Wednesday’s shift was a nightmare. The air conditioning was broken – again – and it reached 89 degrees in the office. The computer system crashed twice in an hour, and I was given ten jobs to enter in the last hour… none of which were from my squad.

Thursday had to be better, right?

So this guy calls the division moments after I reach my desk, and like a dope, I pick up the phone. The man seemed very confused, as if he just woke up, and starts yelling at me, claiming “The cops took my car!” After ranting for about a minute, I slowed him down, and said, “Sir, detectives usually don’t impound cars unless they’re involved in a shooting or a robbery.” Did you ask any of the officers who were out there?”

“No man, I was ‘sleep.”

“Okay sir, if it happened during the overnight tour, I would not have any information for you. We change shifts at seven, and I literally just walked into the building. Unless there was a shooting at your location, though, I can virtually guarantee you detectives did not impound your vehicle.”

“Well, someone took my car!”

“I’m not disputing that, sir, but unless you have more information, I don’t know how I can help you?”

And then it happened…

“YOU COULD HAVE JUST SAID YOU DIDN’T KNOW, FUCKHEAD! YOU DICKHEAD. FUCK YOU! THIS IS WHY WE HATE Y’ALL!”

The man then had the balls to call back a half hour later, and when I answered the phone, he said, “I think I just talked to you. Is there a black man I can speak with?”

Why yes, this career is truly a rewarding experience which has literally no downside, thanks for asking.