True Detective Stories

As you know, many of my True Detective Stories revolve around the truly terrible police officers this city hires. Obviously, the talent pool is low after the left decided to declare war on the police, but even some of the decent cops in my division would need an abacus to count their fingers and toes.

Once a week, the district’s Quality Assurance Officer – usually a female who either is scared to work the street or has friends in high places – looks over the week’s reports and checks them for accuracy. The QAO never knocks down a report – like making a robbery a theft – but always upgrades it. Because police captains are always overjoyed when they have to explain five new robberies which were thefts the day before.

The QAO of one particular district gets off on sending us high-level felonies every week, and usually five days after the report was filed. This policy is stressing because most victims refuse to cooperate with police the day of the incident, let alone a week after the fact. This was the case Monday evening when a robbery report from Saturday landed in our queue.

The dumbass QAO of the offending district refused to scan the report in, so I had to fax AND call the district twice to find a copy of the report. You see, you cannot investigate a crime without ANY OF THE F**KING DETAILS, LIKE SAY, THE VICTIM’S NAME AND PHONE NUMBER!

But I digress…

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