Pope On The Ropes

Meet Brazilian Instagram model Natalia Garibotto.

Natalia is very popular on Instagram, where she has collected 2.3 million followers… and apparently one Pope.

Pope Francis is making headlines after his Instagram account was caught liking a very cheeky photo.

Posted by Instagram model Natalia Garibotto, shows her leaning against lockers in a skimpy schoolgirl-and-suspenders outfit that leaves her very well-rounded derrière exposed. The 27-year-old Brazilian captioned the image with a call for subscribers and a smiling devil face.

“I can teach you a thing or two,” she wrote. “Can’t wait for you guys to see my October shoot on my site.”

Truth be told, I have never been a fan of Pope Francis; he’s a leftist in the mold of Barack Obama, and has done a tremendous amount of damage to Catholic Church and its teachings. That said, I’ll give the guy props for noticing “talent” when he sees it.

Welcome To San Fran VSCO

I recently started an Instagram account. Now before you pour the boiling oil onto me, I only joined because the UD lacrosse team posts there, and I refuse to join Twitter. Anyway, there is a new viral sensation on Instagram, and it’s just as stupid as all the previous viral sensations.

Move aside, pumpkin-spice-latte-sipping “basic” girls, there’s a new aesthetic dominating youth pop culture that’s bubbled into the mainstream: VSCO girls.

“VSCO Girl” – pronounced vis-co girl – is the term for the aesthetic of the preppy, beach-inspired look and it’s just the latest viral trend and source of parody for tweens and teens in the Gen Z-dominated spaces of Instagram and the micro-video app Tik Tok.

Their attire can include: Crocs or Birkenstocks with socks; oversized T-shirts that cover most of their shorts; light and natural-looking make-up; Fjällräven Kånken backpacks; Puka seashell necklaces; Colourful velvet scrunchies and Pura Vida bracelets on their arms; and, Hydro Flask reusable water canisters in hand.

The only crocs I wish to see making a comeback are the ones in Florida who would hastily devour these dumbass girls. God, the next generation is doomed.

You Can’t Spell Masterminds Without Ass

Meet Emily Clow of Austin, Texas. Emily was looking for a satisfying career, and after applying to a local marketing firm, she was “slut-shamed” by the company’s owner for the above photo. Lovely.

Emily Clow, a 24-year-old from Austin, Texas, recently applied for a marketing coordinator internship at Kickass Masterminds, an Austin-based marketing company founded and primarily run by women that says it is “hell-bent on helping entrepreneurs grow businesses faster than they could on their own.”

Clow says shortly after filling out an online application, she was prompted to follow the company’s Instagram account “for an advantage over other applicants.” When she did so, she says she was shocked to find a photo of herself in a swimsuit on the company’s story, along with a piece of unsolicited advice.

The very classy and totally professional Kickass Masterminds then scoured through Emily’s Instagram account before shaming her on social media.

“PSA (because I know some of you applicants are looking at this),” the company wrote over Clow’s photo. “Do not share your social media with a potential employer if this is the kind of content on it. I am looking for a potential marketer–not a bikini model.”

“Go on with your bad self and do whatever in private,” it added. “But this is not doing you any favors in finding a professional job.”

This must be why people say Austin is a garbage town. Naturally, the post went viral and Kickass Masterminds were destroyed so completely on social media that the owner deleted their Twitter account and made their Instagram account private. Wow, how very brave of you.

While we’re talking about professionalism, what professional job names itself “Kickass Masterminds?”

She Signed For A Kiss Reunion Tour

Meet Mikayla Saravia. Mikayla has very few marketable skills, but she licked that problem almost immediately.

Mikayla Saravia is an Instagram model and influencer – but what makes her different from the rest is her massive tongue. The 21-year-old, who has around 2 million followers, has a tongue which measures up to a whopping 6.5 inches.

She gets paid between $900 (£722) to $3,000 (£2,400) for posting racy images and videos licking food items. In some snaps, Mikayla, from Florida, US, can be seen sticking out her tongue while wearing skimpy swimwear or lingerie.

When I was a lad, people acquired fame and fortune by working hard, putting in long hours, and expending some elbow grease. Nowadays, you can get rich for an elongated tongue.

Protesting For All The Right Reasons

A group of pro-nudity protesters are set to form a picket line outside Instagram’s corporate headquarters to address the company’s capricious suspension rules. Wait, a Mark Zuckerberg company suspends people for inexplicable reasons? The hell you say!

Dozens of adult performers are set to picket Instagram’s Silicon Valley headquarters over guidelines about photos containing nudity. The inconsistency of the rules, they say, has led to hundreds of thousands of account suspensions and is imperiling their livelihoods.

Adult performers are leading the protest on Wednesday, but other users including artists, sex workers, queer activists, sex education platforms and models say they have been affected by the platform’s opaque removal system.

Most users affected are not criticizing the platform for enforcing standards; instead, they complain that the Facebook-owned Instagram doesn’t notify users which standards were violated and provides little direction about how to restore accounts.

It’s high time the Facebook conglomerate/monopoly be disbanded. Lots of conservatives decry Teddy Roosevelt for his “trust-busting,” but I admired the man for exactly that. Facebook, Twitter, Google, etc. own virtually everything, and are untouchable when people are aggrieved – like model Rachel Clugston, above – by their websites.

Just Loafin’ Around

Breadfaceblog Instagram

An Asian woman has created “Breadfaceblog;” an Instagram site which features videos of her smashing her face into loaves of bread. I guess she took the path of yeast resistance.

She emerged in August like a loaf fresh out of the oven and has been tantalizing the Internet since. The breadfaceblog Instagram featuring her work offers a possible answer: “Giving the people something they didn’t ask for.”

But still, what else should we make of her crash into cornbread?

I don’t know what we should make of it, but I think anyone who films themselves face-planting into baked goods is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. Face-planting Cocoa Puffs being next month’s project.