I Cannot Stress This Enough

This will likely be the most stressful weekend of my life.

Today I am scheduled for an interview – again – with Internal Affairs. I have a vague idea of what it is about, and although I am not a primary target, the notice said I “may” be a target. It is also likely I may see some form of disciplinary action, if for no other reason than the department gives out disciplinary action often anymore.

In twenty-five years, I have been to IA less than ten times. I have been the target four times previously, and I have never received any disciplinary measures. That’s a rare thing for someone with so much time on the job.

I think today will be different, however. I think the city is finally going to hit me with a suspension, and while I can handle anything but a dismissal, watching a perfect record go down in flames is frustrating.

I talked to the missus, and I think whatever the outcome of this case, I am going to look into the early retirement program. Soon. I would sign my papers, work four more years, and then retire for good. The department has changed, and not for the better. I’d leave with just under thirty years, and that would be just fine by me.

On Monday I receive my biopsy results. I know the doctor has been hedging his bets, but I just have a bad feeling about that, too. If it’s cancer, then I’ll spend all my time at the gym, so I’ll be strong enough to beat it. Of course, if that’s the diagnosis, I won’t be my usual charming self for a while.

I’ve given this city twenty-five-plus years of my life, worked extremely hard, never abused sick/vacation time, and never asked for an easy assignment. I’m pretty sure I’ve given them enough.

The Dreaded Apparatus

Well, it’s going to be a fun twenty-four hours. Last night I started my tour with a lovely visit to Internal Affairs. I obviously can’t talk about the incident, but I – and a dozen of my coworkers – are the “possible target.” The short version is the complaint doesn’t state which person wronged her, so the department subpoenaed everyone.

After work I had to drive to Philadelphia International Airport, arguably the worst airport on Earth – Aden Adde International Airport in Mogadishu is much cleaner and the workers are friendlier – to pick up the boy. Naturally he didn’t bring his laptop – like I asked him – because he said it was “a hassle” to take on the plane.

No Kyle, a hassle is buying you a laptop and spending my Christmas vacation running all the updates and scans you’ve been ignoring!

Last, but not least, my colonoscopy appointment is scheduled for 1pm. It’s not the procedure, but it’s the meeting before the procedure. The doc will likely give me the prep liquid which tastes like liquid farts, which will keep me on the toilet for ninety minutes. (That is not an exaggeration.) Here’s hoping the procedure is after Christmas, so I can lose all that holiday weight.

So, how’s your day going?

UPDATE: My procedure is scheduled for December 9th.

True Detective Stories

When I was first promoted to detective, I was forced to attend Police Board of Inquiry training. The PBI is an internal court, which oversees hearings for police officers who are charged with misconduct. You cannot opt out of the training, and you are forced to sit on a jury panel whenever the department deems it necessary.

It is how I will be spending my Thursday.

There is nothing I despise more than bad cops, but sitting in judgment of them is pretty close. In twenty-five years, I have been investigated by Internal Affairs three times – two investigations were personal, submitted by people I knew who disliked me personally, and one was for a “lack of service.” All three investigations resulted in my being cleared.

That said, I’ve been where this person will be today, so I can empathize. I’ll serve on the panel and make my decision based on the available evidence, but I take no joy in it. If I wanted to work at IAB I would have put in a transfer, and this hearing keeps me away from my actual job.

If I’m scarce during the day you’ll know why.