Caption Contest Winners

The Candygram! Caption Contest Caption Contest is now over.

Top Five Entries:
5. There is only one Boba Fett and you ain’t him. – Ingineer66
4. Soldier: “Yes, I realize you’re used to the white shirts, black ties, and pleasant demeanor, but we Jehovah’s Witnesses decided we’re playing for keeps. Now, would you accept our copy of The Watchtower, or would you rather prefer a flash-bang?” – Barry D.
3. Knock, knock, Avon calling… Knock, knock, girl scout cookies… Knock, knock, candygram, Knock, knock, Landshark… – Sully
2. It’s Always Sunni in Baijidelphia – Jim

WINNER! – “Hello, little boy. I’m from the Homeowner’s Association. I need to tell your parents the door colors violate the association rules about tacky contrasts. Tell them to come outside for their summary executions.” – TXNick

Weekend Caption Contest

Candygram! Caption Contest
(Source: Yahoo! News)

Caption this photo in the comments section. The winners will be posted on Monday, November 26th.

Original Caption: Shia Hashed al-Shaabi units invade households in a Sunni neighborhood in Baiji to arrest suspected ISIS members and search for incriminating evidence. (Photo: Sebastian Backhaus)

France Surrenders Yet Again

A French court has ordered “far right” politician Marine Le Pen to attend psychiatric testing after Le Pen dared to tell the truth about ISIS savages.

Marine Le Pen, the leader of the French far right has been left shocked and furious after a court ordered her to be examined by a psychiatrist to determine if she “is capable of understanding remarks and answering questions”.

The unusual summoning is in relation to Le Pen having tweeted out gruesome propaganda images from terror group Isis that showed the bodies of people having been executed by the so-called Islamic State.

In March Le Pen was charged with circulating “violent messages that incite terrorism or pornography or seriously harm human dignity” and that can be viewed by a minor. And as part of their investigation it appears magistrates in Nanterre have ordered Le Pen to visit a psychiatrist for an expert assessment.

During France’s Islamic invasion, I worried their country and their culture would be forever changed. At this point, the entire country could be sacked, and I wouldn’t give a damn. The French had more than enough chances to repel invaders, but their legacy will be forever folding to Austria-Hungary, Germany, and now Islam.

Ordering Le Pen to attend psychiatric tests for telling the truth about Islam is just another step on France’s road to serfdom.

Allahu Wet Bar!

A man who recently moved to Zurich learned his neighbors are stone cold morons rather quickly after apparently flying the wrong kind of flag.

A man was accused of flying ‘the black flag of death’ after he put up a Jack Daniels flag.

‘Concerned neighbours’ in Zurich thought the bourbon advert was promoting so-called Islamic State. Someone left a note at his house in Switzerland saying they would put him and his girlfriend under watch, saying: ‘Should we be afraid of you? First the Italian flag and now the black flag of death.’

The man, 29, who has an Italian background and wanted to remain anonymous, said: ‘I hung it up, because I found it funny.’ But apparently his neighbours don’t drink much from the Tennessee distiller as when he got home on Saturday he found the anonymous note.

This is why Switzerland always claims neutrality during wartime; they’re too stupid to hold a gun.

The Mother Of All Badasses

U.S. military commanders ordered an attack on ISIS locations inside Afghanistan yesterday, and they christened the MOAB with terrorist blood.

The United States has dropped its largest non-nuclear weapon after it targeted ISIS a network of caves and tunnels in eastern Afghanistan.

U.S. forces used a GPS-guided GBU-43 bomb, which is 30 feet long and weighs a staggering 21,600 pounds. It is known as the ‘Mother Of All Bombs’ – a play on ‘MOAB,’ an acronym that stands for ‘Massive Ordnance Air Burst.’

A crater left by the blast is believed to be more than 300 meters wide after it exploded six feet above the ground. Anyone at the blast site was vaporized.

Trump suggested he had not personally ordered the bomb strike but delegated authority to commanders in the field. The move marks the fulfillment of a 17-month-old campaign promise Trump delivered in Iowa, when he scoffed at ISIS terror forces and said he ‘would bomb the s**t out of them’ if he became president.

Dear goat-humping ISIS bastards, Barack Obama – aka Polly Prissypants – is no longer sullying the White House with his weeping vagina. A real man resides there now, and he doesn’t care about your grievances, your motives, or your threats. Donald Trump only cares about wiping you off the map.

Enjoy your virgins.

ISIS Savages Murder Nearly 50 Chuchgoers

Two members of the Religion of Peace targeted Christian churches in Egypt on Palm Sunday, killing nearly fifty parishioners and injuring over one hundred.

This is the moment an ISIS suicide bomber detonated outside an Egyptian church after being turned away by three hero policemen in the second of two attacks that killed more than 45 Christians and wounded 100.

Scores of peaceful citizens attending Palm Sunday mass. These ISIS animals need to be put down.

CCTV shows the fanatic, dressed in a blue pullover, approaching the gate at St Mark’s in Alexandria but being told to go through the metal detector first by officers. He then passes a female police officer talking to another woman, and enters a metal detector before an explosion engulfs the area.

The dead officers were named as Ahmed Ibrahim, Brigadier General Nagwa El-Haggar and Emad El-Rakiby.

These heroes saved countless lives by preventing that animal from entering the structure.

The atrocity, which followed another attack in Tanta, was thought to have been aimed at Pope Tawadros II, leader of the ancient Coptic church, who was worshiping in St Mark’s at the time but escaped unharmed.

Thank God for that. I would thank Him again if he enables us to wipe these goat-banging cowards of the face of the Earth.

Attack Of The Groans

ISIS is back, and in a welcome change of pace, they are threatening America again. This time, the goat-herders’ targets are not politicians, actors, or law enforcement. No, this time, they’re coming after Johnny Punchclock.

Hackers affiliated with ISIS posted the names of thousands of New York City residents online Sunday with the message “We want them #Dead.”

Say what you want about ISIS, but adding the hashtag to the word “dead” proves they’re “with it,” and “hip.”

The list contains home and email addresses. The “hit list” includes up to 3,600 New Yorkers. A few are State Department and Homeland Security employees, but most are regular citizens with no connection to the government.

Despite what Barack Obama says, I realize ISIS is not the JV team. I also realize slaughtering Coptic Christians and demoralized Iraqis is one thing, but taking on nearly 4,000 gun-toting New Yorkers is quite another. Go for it, ISIS. Try going after random New Yorkers. You better pack a lunch.

Obama Sending Bombers To Middle East

The Obama administration is sending multiple B-52 bombers to Qatar in order to combat ISIS. Personally, I believe this move is a little extreme for a “JV team.”

The U.S. Air Force has deployed B-52 long-ranger bombers to the Middle East, for the first time since the Gulf War ended, to conduct strikes against the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria, officials said Saturday.

“The B-52s will provide the coalition continued precision and deliver desired airpower effects,” Lt. Gen. Charles Q. Brown Jr., commander, U.S. Air Forces Central Command and Combined Forces Air Component said.

I’m old enough to remember when carpet bombing terrorists during the Bush administration was evil. During the Obama administration, it’s apparently okey dokey. As an aside, the media caught some pretty cool footage of the bombers arriving in Qatar. It’s below the fold.

Give Peas A Chance

Facebook founder and crunchy granola aficionado Mark Zuckerberg believes he found the solution to defeating Islamic terror.

The Facebook founder said atrocities in Belgium, Pakistan and Turkey were all designed to sow seeds of hatred between different communities. He said: “Each of these attacks were carried out with a goal to spread fear and distrust, and turn members of a community against each other.”

The “only sustainable way to fight back” against the sickening attacks is to “create a world” where everyone “feels cared for and loved”, he added.

What about nuclear arms, Mark? You can’t hug terrorists with nuclear arms. Jackass.

I think I have found a better solution. I believe Zuckerberg should host ISIS at the Facebook corporate office and see if his joy-joy feelings will stop them from decapitating his Jewish infidel ass.

Remain Calm, All Is Well

Before jetting off to Hawaii for a few weeks, the “president” agreed to yet another softball interview, and blamed the media for the country’s ISIS concerns. Yeah, it’s the media, not the actual terror attacks.

President Obama said in an interview broadcast early Monday that he understands why Americans are worried about the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria (ISIS), adding that it is important “to keep things in perspective.”

“This is not an organization that can destroy the United States,” he told NPR. “This is not a huge industrial power that can pose great risks to us institutionally or in a systematic way. But they can hurt us, and they can hurt our people and our families.”

Obama blamed the media in part for fears, saying that in the past month “all you have been seeing, all you have been hearing about is these guys with masks or black flags who are potentially coming to get you.”

Excuse me, Captain James T. Jerk; they came to get Parisians, and they came to get people in San Bernadino. And spoiler alert: they did both in less than three weeks, but you were too busy watching ESPN to notice.

I swear, this f**king guy is as useless as an ejection seat on a helicopter.