Jacksonville Gets A Deserving Sculpture

The city of Jacksonville, Florida has commissioned a monumental sculpture in the Northbank area. After you’re done reading, let me know what you think the sculpture reads.

The future of the former home of the Jacksonville Landing is now more clear after a city committee on Thursday selected a design firm to redevelop the Northbank site.

Perkins & Will, which received the highest marks out of three designs presented to the Downtown Investment Authority (DIA), was picked to redevelop Riverfront Plaza with a beer garden, a hotel, a play area and a 150-foot “Jax” sculpture. The “One Park Jax” design also has plans for a river terrace, a park pavilion building, a sky garden, which includes outdoor dining options and a bike and pedestrian connection to the Main Street bridge.

I mean, I get the idea of the sculpture, but I don’t read this as “Jax.” I read it as something a thousand times funnier, but that’s just me.

They Will Never Take Our Freedom!

The mayor of Jacksonville, Florida reopened beaches this weekend, and was immediately celebrated and vilified, depending upon your particular point of view.

Crowds of beachgoers have charged on to the beaches in Jacksonville, Florida after the shores reopened to the public despite the coronavirus pandemic.

Jacksonville beaches reopened at 5pm on Friday under limited hours and use restrictions, even as Florida recorded its highest single-day increase in confirmed coronavirus cases. Photos and video from the scene show enthusiastic residents cheering as they ran out onto the sand after weeks of closures.

Yes, because unlike other countries – say, Britain – Americans embrace ideas like freedom.

Jacksonville’s beaches will be open daily from 6am to 11am and 5pm to 8pm for exercise such as walking and swimming only. Banned are sunbathing, chairs, towels, or loitering on the shore, and beachgoers are to remain six feet apart.

Oh, but these idiot rednecks will never follow those rules, because they’re obviously morons…

By 8pm on Friday night, many had already left the beach – adhering to the curfew.

Oh, look at that. Unlike the media, the adults are acting like adults.

Guns And Hoses

Why is it always Florida?

A Jacksonville man is recovering after exercising his second amendment rights during the Independence Day weekend.

A convicted felon accidentally shot himself in the penis after sitting on his gun in his car on Friday.

The 38-year-old did not notice the weapon lying on the driver’s seat when he sat down. Panicked, he is said to have run into a stranger’s house on Freedom Crossing Trail and straight into the bathroom.

Yes, because guns just go off when you sit on them. Apparently the magic bullet came out from under this ass’s ass, turned – in midair, mind you – and struck his dingus. Totes believable.

As a convicted felon in possession of a firearm, this jackass is going back to prison. The real shame of all this is he is going to need his penis, now more than ever.