Well, Japan Isn’t Fun Anymore

Japanese legislators have created their first law regulating crossbow possession. Great job guys, I assume you’ll ban nunchucks, ninja swords and throwing stars next.

Surprisingly, despite spelling out rules and regulations regarding all sorts of weaponry, Japan’s Firearm and Sword Control Law apparently had no preexisting rules, specifically no specific ordinances, relating to crossbows, of either the two-handed or single-handed pistol crossbow/bowgun variety, perhaps because crossbows are technically neither firearms or swords. As a result, up to now there’s been no specific licensing required for their possession or use. Much like in a fantasy role-playing video game, if you had enough money to pay for a crossbow, you could buy one and use it as you personally saw fit.

That’ll be changing soon, though, as the House of Representatives passed a motion to amend the Firearm and Sword Control Law, and once it goes into effect Japanese residents will need a permit from their Prefectural Public Safety Commission in order to possess a crossbow. The requirement is modeled after one already in place for air rifle ownership, which requires the completion of safety classes and for the owner to be at least 18 years of age.

Eighteen years of age? How the hell are young children going to avenge their murdered parents without getting their hands on crossbows? You’re killing the culture, you dolts!

Anthony Weiner Hardest Hit

The Japanese House of Councilors has amended a few of the nation’s laws, including lowering the age of adulthood to eighteen from twenty, and gender reassignment surgery cannot be done until the person is eighteen.

The House of Councilors, the upper house of Japan’s National Diet, has approved a bill to lower the age of legal adulthood in Japan. The legislation was initially introduced in March, with the amendments to the civil code being formally ratified on June 13.

The revision is the first change to the age of legal adulthood in over a century. The previous law, established during the Meiji period (which ran from 1868 to 1912) set the start of legal adulthood at 20, but the new law will knock that down two years, to 18.

Sadly, there is some bad news if you like them young…

In total, 22 sections of the civil code were amended, with the proposals winning broad support across Japan’s major political factions such as the Liberal Democratic, Komeito, and Japan Restoration parties. The changes aren’t all about lowering ages, either. Currently, women in Japan are allowed to marry at 16, two years earlier than men. Under the new ordinances, tough, it will be raised to 18, making the marriage age the same for both sexes.

If Jeffrey Epstein hadn’t already “killed himself,” he certainly would have done so after hearing this news.

Maybe We Should Nuke Japan Again

The Japanese town of Noto decided allocated Covid relief funds would be better spent on a ridiculous statue instead of, say, helping those stricken with Covid. Noto arigato, Mr. Idioto!

A coastal town in western Japan is under fire for using hundreds of thousands of dollars designated for COVID-19 relief for something slightly less important — a giant squid statue. Local officials said they hoped the statue would boost tourism.

The town of Noto was given 800 million yen, about $7.3 million, from the central government in relief funds, according to local media. The aid program aimed to boost local economies, which have struggled to stay afloat during the pandemic.

Sure, our local restaurants and stores went bankrupt, buy hey, we got a giant squid!

Noto officials used about $228,000 from the emergency funding to build the massive statue, which is 13 feet tall and almost 43 feet long.

A town official said that the statue is part of a “long-term strategy” to spread the word about Noto’s fishing industry and its local delicacy, squid. The statue can be used both as a photographic landmark and a playground for children.

Yes, because what kid wouldn’t want to revel on a giant frightening pink squid?

A Different Kind Of Water Slide

Some enterprising Japanese businessmen have created a new theme park in Tokyo’s Kabukicho prefecture. However, instead of building bumper cars, this theme park is chock full of humper cars.

An adult film company in Japan has opened a five-story ‘adults only’ theme park in the heart of Tokyo’s red light district, with various attractions staffed by professional porn stars.

The D-Cups and the Tilt-A-Girl come highly recommended.

The attraction in Tokyo’s Kabukicho nightlife district was designed by adult film producer Soft on Demand and is called SOD Land.

I sincerely doubt anything is soft at this theme park… except maybe the boobs.

The company has dubbed the porn star-staffed theme attraction in Japan an “amusement park for adults.” Each floor of the park has a different theme for the 18 years or older clientele.

The food is apparently very good here, but steer clear of the Crab Rang-poon.

Japanese Baseball Loves Its Fan

A Japanese baseball fan was allowed to see a Yomiuri Giants baseball game inside the Tokyo Dome – alone – during one of their recent home games. She was literally the only fan in attendance for the game. The Giants probably made her sit in the nosebleed section.

One lucky baseball fan was taken inside the otherwise empty Tokyo Dome for Yomiuri Giants’ win on Tuesday via a monitor mounted on a robot she controlled from home.

Nippon Professional Baseball teams have begun their season without fans in stadia due to restrictions implemented to slow the spread of COVID-19, yet 14-year-old Futaba Tsuchiya was given special access via the monitor.

Tsuchiya also interviewed two Giants players and spoke to cheerleaders as she toured the 55,000 capacity Tokyo Dome.

One fan in attendance. Well, that’s more than the Miami Marlins see on an average day.

The Few, The Proud, The Careless

An investigation into a military crash near Japan revealed Marine Corps pilots frequently engaged in inappropriate activities while flying, including reading books.

Members of a U.S. Marine Corps unit involved in a deadly air crash off Shikoku last December frequently engaged in inappropriate activities during flights, such as reading books and taking selfies, a U.S. military report revealed Tuesday.

The report follows the midair collision of a Marine Corps F/A-18 fighter jet and a KC-130 aerial tanker off the coast of Kochi Prefecture on Dec. 6, 2018. The aircraft, which were conducting a nighttime aerial refueling mission, crashed into the Pacific Ocean, killing six onboard.

Several members based at U.S. Marine Corps Air Station Iwakuni in western Japan were found to have removed their oxygen masks and taken both hands off of the aircraft controls to read books or to groom their beards during flights. In one instance, a pilot was found to have shared a selfie taken during a flight on social media.

Those same pilots are probably also the first ones to criticize the flying of those killed in the crash. I get it, peacetime flights can be boring, but if you cannot be a professional, there’s no reason you should keep your wings.

Me No Horny

Comedian Jim Jeffries – a man I consider a leftist hack, but whatever – set off to Japan to make a comedy video, and he found something rather amazing: apparently, Japanese millennials are not having sex. At all.

In the video, Jeffries interviews “four single Japanese millennials” to find out what their thoughts are on dating. While the lineup may be controversial — with the inclusion of a maid and a Japanese YouTuber who once faced criticism for racist comments — the answers they provide to Jeffries’ questions suggest that some men may be intimidated by women, preferring to sit back and wait for them to make the first move instead.

As they discuss the issue further, it becomes apparent that “as women become more empowered, men need to update their vision of an ideal mate“. And while some of the difficulties they face in finding a perfect partner aren’t all that different from other countries, there’s a stark difference in one of the reasons given for the low birthrate, as suggested by the manager of a Tokyo marriage agency.

So wait, millennial soy-boys aren’t coveted by the deliciously desirable Japanese babes? Wow, you could have knocked me down with Godzilla. Ladies, if you’re searching for real men with which to knock boots, fly to the states and contact a few American conservatives. You will not be disappointed.

Sake It To Me

Japanese vehicle manufacturer Nissan has created self-driving slippers for the country’s hotel chains. What could possibly go wrong?

Nissan Motor Co. developed a system in which slippers park themselves at the entrance of the traditional inn, called ‘ProPilot Park Ryokan,’ waiting for guests to use them upon arrival. When guests have finished using them, the slippers will drive themselves back to their original position. Each slipper features two tiny wheels, a motor, and sensors to drive it across the lobby’s wooden floor using a simplified form of Nissan’s ProPilot Park technology.

The same technology features in Nissan’s all-battery electric Leaf car. High-tech sensors and cameras allow the vehicle to safely back into parking spaces without any input from the driver. Four high-resolution cameras capable of real-time image processing and 12 sonar sensors assess the vehicle’s surroundings.

This is a great idea until the first uncoordinated guest slips and breaks his hip. What they really need to do is create self-driving towels to deal with the thieves who steal them.