Taste The Tasteless Rainbow

Ah Japan, home to Godzilla, professional wrestling, and tasteless candy. Yes, you heard that correctly. A Japanese convenience store has created a tasteless candy. Embrace the suck!

Japanese convenience store chain Lawson recently launched a rather intriguing new product – flavorless candy that apparently tastes like emptiness.

Whether it be sweet, sour, salty or even spicy, candy has always been associated with a type of flavor. Well, at least until now, because flavorless candy is a thing these days. Lawson, one of Japan’s largest convenience store chains is currently testing a number of products, including the aptly-named Aji no Shinai? Ame (Tasteless? Candy), which apparently tastes like nothing. As you can imagine, the marketed lack of flavor has been raising eyebrows in Japan, and for good reason, after all, can you even imagine sucking on a candy that doesn’t have any taste?

I can understand Wasabi, and Sushi, and some of the other foods they gobble up over there, but tasteless candy seems a bridge too far.

Oh Japan, You’ve Done It Again

While taking a break from tracking Godzilla, a Japanese company is working on a human washing machine, where they can go into the machine, recline on a seat and be bathed without lifting a finger.

Science, a Japanese technology company specializing in bathroom and kitchen innovation, recently unveiled plans to produce a washing machine for humans.

Believe it or not, the concept of a human washing machine isn’t new. At the 1970 Osaka Expo, Japanese electronics giant Sanyo Electric showcased its ‘Ultrasonic Bath’, a human washing machine that cleaned, massaged, and dried the occupant in a fully-automated 15-minute cycle”. The concept never really took off as a commercial product, but now another Japanese technology company wants to take a shot at it, promising to deliver a modern take on the human washing machine by 2025.

Can Japan send the first models to France and Philadelphia. Lord, do those places need it!

Sensors inside the washing machine will measure the state of sympathetic and parasympathetic nerves, and the built-in AI will use the collected data to create the most comfortable atmosphere possible.

I like taking cold showers after I run, but the problem there is everything shrinks.

So, Who’s Thirsty?

The geniuses in Japan have decided to create a new beverage which has become all the rage. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I present to you Dumpling flavored soda!

Gyoza traditional pan-fried dumplings are a staple of Japanese cuisine, but they are also the inspiration for one of the world’s most bizarre refreshments. “Gyoza cider”, or “Gyoza soda”, as some Japanese news outlets have been calling this abomination, is the creation of Nagai Garden, a refreshments company based in the city of Nikko, Japan’s Tochigi Prefecture. Originally launched in 2019, gyoza cider has been making news headlines and going viral on social media ever since, due to its unusually faithful dumpling taste.

Well, if you think it tastes bad, wait until you notice the smell.

Upon opening a bottle of gyoza cider, you are reportedly hit by a unique smell that has been described as a mix of chili oil, vinegar, soy sauce, garlic, and ginger. The smell is so strong that a representative of Nagai Garden recently told Japanese news website J-Town that he advises people to open the bottle outdoors.

While I have never tried this beverage abortion, I assume the smell rivals Diego’s sweaty armpits.

The Pod People Are Back

A Japanese company has been working on something special for the overworked Japanese employee. Their solution? Nap pods for workers who refuse to take breaks.

Tokyo-based furniture specialist Itoki Corporation and Koyoju Gohan, a plywood supplier from Hokkaido, recently signed a license agreement to start production of a bizarre-looking contraption that they claim will tackle the overwork phenomenon in Japan’s offices. It basically consists of an upright wooden pod that will allow users to enter and use as a private space to sleep standing up…

We could use these in the division. The a/c is still kaput and it’s been in the high 80’s in the office.

It might sound like a bad joke, but this is a real product that will probably be introduced in Japanese offices in the near future. With workers spending so much time at work, some will catch those much-needed minutes of shut-eye anywhere they can, in their employers’ bathrooms, on the train during their commute, or even at their desks. The nap pods at least ensure that they are comfortably supported so that they don’t fall over.

I imagine some wiseguy in the office would tip one over and roll it down the stairs.

When You Gotta Go…

Well, we went from China to Japan in just three posts.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, have you ever been in a situation where your really had to go, but no restrooms were available? If so, a company in Japan has answered your prayers!

When you gotta go, you gotta go, but what if there’s nowhere to go? We hardly ever give the humble toilet a second thought in our day-to-day lives, but most of us could hardly imagine our lives without it. In war-torn regions and areas affected by natural disasters toilets are among the most sought-after amenities, but apart from insufficient portable toilets and unhygienic latrines, there aren’t too many options. Actually, there is also the Pocketoilet, a packet measuring 7 centimeters tall and 6.5 cm wide that can fit in virtually any pocket or purse.

I cannot believe I am saying this, but the Pocketoilet a great idea.

In December of 2020, Kokenawa’s company launched the Pocketoilet, a tiny portable toilet that can be used virtually anywhere. It consists of a bag made of special, durable fibers and a packet of coagulant. The bag can be affixed to a toilet seat or even a trash can, and tests by the company have found that almost no odor emanates from one of the bags when left indoors with feces inside it for a week.

Not sure I would want to participate in that part of it, but it’s good to know. If nothing else, it’s better than pooping on Diego’s lawn. I usually go there after eating Taco Bell.

Ancient Japanese Secret

Ah, the Japanese. First they gave us Anime, then they gave us Pokémon, and now they have graced us with digital floating cash registers in convenience stores.

Just last month, Japanese convenience store chain 7-Eleven announced they would be going high-tech, introducing the “world’s first” non-contact/aerial display technology for POS cash registers.

I’m sure when there break down, a lot of people will think they’re a “POS.”

The cashless self-checkouts, dubbed “Digi POS“, feature a floating aerial display, and they were installed at six secret locations in Tokyo on 1 February. Our intrepid reporter Mr Sato went on a hunt to find a branch where he could try out the new terminal, and after two weeks of searching, he finally found one, at 7-Eleven’s Akasaka Tokyu Plaza Store in Tokyo’s Akasaka Mitsuke.

He stood in front of the register, and there it was — the screen popped up in front of him, floating in mid-air like something from a sci-fi movie!

If this becomes a viable option, it’s possible we can have full-mirror screens where naked women can call us by mistake; just like in Demolition Man.

Well, Japan Isn’t Fun Anymore

Japanese legislators have created their first law regulating crossbow possession. Great job guys, I assume you’ll ban nunchucks, ninja swords and throwing stars next.

Surprisingly, despite spelling out rules and regulations regarding all sorts of weaponry, Japan’s Firearm and Sword Control Law apparently had no preexisting rules, specifically no specific ordinances, relating to crossbows, of either the two-handed or single-handed pistol crossbow/bowgun variety, perhaps because crossbows are technically neither firearms or swords. As a result, up to now there’s been no specific licensing required for their possession or use. Much like in a fantasy role-playing video game, if you had enough money to pay for a crossbow, you could buy one and use it as you personally saw fit.

That’ll be changing soon, though, as the House of Representatives passed a motion to amend the Firearm and Sword Control Law, and once it goes into effect Japanese residents will need a permit from their Prefectural Public Safety Commission in order to possess a crossbow. The requirement is modeled after one already in place for air rifle ownership, which requires the completion of safety classes and for the owner to be at least 18 years of age.

Eighteen years of age? How the hell are young children going to avenge their murdered parents without getting their hands on crossbows? You’re killing the culture, you dolts!

Anthony Weiner Hardest Hit

The Japanese House of Councilors has amended a few of the nation’s laws, including lowering the age of adulthood to eighteen from twenty, and gender reassignment surgery cannot be done until the person is eighteen.

The House of Councilors, the upper house of Japan’s National Diet, has approved a bill to lower the age of legal adulthood in Japan. The legislation was initially introduced in March, with the amendments to the civil code being formally ratified on June 13.

The revision is the first change to the age of legal adulthood in over a century. The previous law, established during the Meiji period (which ran from 1868 to 1912) set the start of legal adulthood at 20, but the new law will knock that down two years, to 18.

Sadly, there is some bad news if you like them young…

In total, 22 sections of the civil code were amended, with the proposals winning broad support across Japan’s major political factions such as the Liberal Democratic, Komeito, and Japan Restoration parties. The changes aren’t all about lowering ages, either. Currently, women in Japan are allowed to marry at 16, two years earlier than men. Under the new ordinances, tough, it will be raised to 18, making the marriage age the same for both sexes.

If Jeffrey Epstein hadn’t already “killed himself,” he certainly would have done so after hearing this news.

Maybe We Should Nuke Japan Again

The Japanese town of Noto decided allocated Covid relief funds would be better spent on a ridiculous statue instead of, say, helping those stricken with Covid. Noto arigato, Mr. Idioto!

A coastal town in western Japan is under fire for using hundreds of thousands of dollars designated for COVID-19 relief for something slightly less important — a giant squid statue. Local officials said they hoped the statue would boost tourism.

The town of Noto was given 800 million yen, about $7.3 million, from the central government in relief funds, according to local media. The aid program aimed to boost local economies, which have struggled to stay afloat during the pandemic.

Sure, our local restaurants and stores went bankrupt, buy hey, we got a giant squid!

Noto officials used about $228,000 from the emergency funding to build the massive statue, which is 13 feet tall and almost 43 feet long.

A town official said that the statue is part of a “long-term strategy” to spread the word about Noto’s fishing industry and its local delicacy, squid. The statue can be used both as a photographic landmark and a playground for children.

Yes, because what kid wouldn’t want to revel on a giant frightening pink squid?

A Different Kind Of Water Slide

Some enterprising Japanese businessmen have created a new theme park in Tokyo’s Kabukicho prefecture. However, instead of building bumper cars, this theme park is chock full of humper cars.

An adult film company in Japan has opened a five-story ‘adults only’ theme park in the heart of Tokyo’s red light district, with various attractions staffed by professional porn stars.

The D-Cups and the Tilt-A-Girl come highly recommended.

The attraction in Tokyo’s Kabukicho nightlife district was designed by adult film producer Soft on Demand and is called SOD Land.

I sincerely doubt anything is soft at this theme park… except maybe the boobs.

The company has dubbed the porn star-staffed theme attraction in Japan an “amusement park for adults.” Each floor of the park has a different theme for the 18 years or older clientele.

The food is apparently very good here, but steer clear of the Crab Rang-poon.