Boyfriend Assaulted By Crackpot

A Florida woman was arrested after she allegedly assaulted her 69-year old boyfriend – heh, heh, “69” – after he refused to perform oral sex on her.

A Florida woman was arrested Sunday morning after allegedly battering her 69-year-old boyfriend after he refused to perform oral sex on her.

For the record, this is not the defendant. This is actress Zoe Saldana, and believe me, you would rather be looking at her instead of the defendant.

The Pinellas County Sheriff’s Department was called to a home in Largo, just west of Tampa, around 3 a.m. on Sunday following a disturbance between Katanya Jordan, 46, and her longtime boyfriend.

The victim claimed that the two had been arguing about Jordan smoking crack when she began yelling at him and demanding he perform oral sex. When he refused, she began “hitting and scratching him,” giving him “several small lacerations” which appeared to have been “caused by fingernails.”

You’d think Jordan would be mellow after smoking a shite-ton of crack, but apparently it makes her very angry, very violent… and very horny. Ugh, I just threw up in my mouth a little.