I Need A Transfer To The Tampa P.D.

Members of the Tampa (FL) Police Department are in hot water after they conducted an investigation of hot strippers giving hot lap dances to hot-under-the-collar cops.

A Tampa police sergeant has been disciplined after an internal review over a so-called investigation at an Ybor City strip club.

The internal affairs report says officers who went to the strip club gave conflicting reports as to what they were investigating. They got to know the dancers but came up with no new leads.

The undercover operation at Gold Club in Ybor City back in 2020 cost the department’s investigatory fund $421.

Obviously, I’m not condoning this – or am I? – but if the city is fretting about $421, maybe there are more important things to worry about. Like say, building a robust economy.

Over three hours, an unspecified number of officers spent it on cover charges and drinks for themselves, dancers, and the dancers’ friends.

Each officer also bought their own lap dance.

Now, while I have never been to a strip club – *cough* – I have heard from friends – *cough* – how people act there. If the cops were actually trying to conduct an investigation, they couldn’t exactly sit at the bar and ignore the dancers. Strip clubs are investigated constantly, and the employees know that. A group of guys coming in and sitting like bumps on a log are going to draw attention to themselves.

Having said that, they 1. should have nursed one or two beers, tops, 2. tipped the dancers, and 3. should have sent one or two officers to the lap dances. That way, they could claim there was a legitimate investigation running, and no one was going overboard.

The Lap Of Luxury

Meet Olivia Taylor-Washek of Flori-Duh.

Taylor-Washek is obviously a beautiful woman, and she has a nice bounce to her step, so it’s surprising she would voluntarily grind on random strangers’ laps outside a St. Petersburg bar.

Cops responding to a disturbance call Saturday evening encountered Olivia Taylor-Washek, 28, on the sidewalk outside a bar in St. Petersburg. Taylor-Washek, cops say, had been “stumbling on the sidewalk and attempting to give random citizens lap dances outside of a business.”

Hey now, that’s my kind of disturbance!

Seen at right, Taylor-Washek was “highly intoxicated” and stumbling, prompting officers to call for a fire rescue team. However, Taylor-Washek was not evaluated “due to threatening to punch paramedics if they touched her.”

Wait, she’s giving lap dances to randos but she won’t let a paramedic touch her? Yep, peak Flori-Duh.

After police reportedly gave Taylor-Washek multiple chances to call someone for assistance in getting to her nearby apartment–or accept their offer to walk her home–she “continued to yell profanities” at cops and bystanders. She also allegedly asked officers “if they wanted to ‘bang’ on the sidewalk.”

Wait, is that offer still good, because I could drive to St. Petersburg in sixteen hours. I won’t even stop for food or rest room breaks, and I have plenty of vacation days stocked up.