Florida’s Most Popular Couple

Meet Grant Mulder and Lauren Baugh of Largo, Flori-Duh. Grant and Lauren were having a delightful time at a park when they decided they wanted to pleasure themselves in the populated park. Things did not go well.

According to police, Grant Mulder, 48, and Lauren Baugh, 41, were spotted Saturday afternoon around 1:45 PM trysting in Largo Central Park in Largo, a city in the Tampa Bay area. The couple, cops say, were spotted near a veterans memorial inside the 70-acre park.

As detailed in one arrest affidavit, a Largo Police Department officer witnessed Baugh “lying on her back with her legs spread apart and her vulva exposed as her boyfriend and co-defendant performed cunnilingus on her.”

Mulder and Baugh, the patrolman reported, were visible to park patrons as well as pedestrians and motorists passing by on a “highly trafficked roadway” adjacent to the park. The affidavits state that there was an “indication of alcohol influence” with regard to both defendants.

So. Much. Class. Lauren isn’t terrible, but Beardsley McStrawhat looks like a homeless person.

The All-Fleeing Eye

edward-dorsey-largo-florida

Meet Edward Dorsey of Largo, Florida. Edward was always a star pupil; a man who always had his eye on the prize, even when “the man” tried to lash him down.

Edward Dorsey, 54, was first arrested Sunday morning on a domestic violence charge for allegedly striking his wife during an 8 AM argument in the couple’s Largo home. A police report notes that drugs and alcohol appear to have played a role in the confrontation.

Following the misdemeanor collar, Dorsey was transported to the Largo Medical Center for treatment.

While in the emergency room, Dorsey “removed his glass eye” and then “threw his glass eye at the ER doctor and ER nurse,” a Largo Police officer reported.

Dorsey’s glass eye is missing in his mug shot, which would lead me to believe the police seized the eye – which was used as a weapon in the assault – for evidence.