Not-So-Smarty Jones

Meet Lauren Cutshaw of South Carolina.

Lauren is a very clean, white girl who doesn’t deserve to be arrested for DUI, even after blowing a stop sign at 60 mph. Just ask her, she’ll tell you.

Lauren Cutshaw, 34, recently copped to a misdemeanor DUI count in connection with her arrest last August in Bluffton, a town just west of Hilton Head. Cutshaw, a licensed real estate agent, pleaded guilty to the drunk driving charge during an August 27 appearance in Bluffton Municipal Court.

As part of a plea deal, prosecutors dropped several other charges filed against Cutshaw, including speeding, possession of marijuana, possession of drug paraphernalia, and DUI with a blood alcohol content of .16 or higher.

In fairness, Lauren had some very compelling reasons to stay out of prison.

Cutshaw, who claimed to have only consumed two glasses of wine, told a cop, “I’m a very clean, thoroughbred, white girl” and “I’m a white, clean girl.” She also told of her prior “perfect grades,” National Honor Society membership, and graduation from a “high accredited university.”

According to Joe Biden, this is 100% true.

, who also mentioned that she was an “All-American cheerleader,” a valedictorian, and a sorority member, did not impress her arresting officer with references to her whiteness and thoroughbred nature.

Pfft, if this stuck-up bint really had a thoroughbred nature, she would have been able to successfully run from the officer.