True Detective Stories

Well, if you looked at the photo, you would know this episode of TDS centers solely around Diego the Idiot Detective. There are always other players to spotlight, but at the end of the day, few are dumber than this MENSA member.

Sunday evening was fantastic. We expected to be slaughtered with jobs, but for the most part it was a quiet evening. I knew at the time that Monday would be a nightmare, and told the squad we were going to get killed. Sadly, that came true.

I had entered twenty-plus jobs before 6pm, and was quickly assigning jobs to my coworkers. At one point, it was Diego’s turn, and as luck would have it, his job was a stolen gun.

(For the record, the city doesn’t force you to report a stolen gun anymore, because I assume they want more murders here, and because it’s easier for the thugs to kill each other.)

I drop the paperwork of at Diego’s desk, and he starts whining like a little beyotch. “Aww, really?” I responded with, “This is your first job of the night, and you’re not doing anything now anyway.” Diego gave me a nasty look when he walked by my desk, and I thought it was hilarious. It also precipitated his second assignment.

About two hours later, another stolen gun job came in, and guess who was up for it? Diego. Again. I couldn’t have planned this better if I wanted to, but it was his turn on the wheel. The cop was being annoying when he dropped of the report, so I told him to take it back to Diego.

A moment later, The Red Menace sent me a text from the floor and said, “Diego’s really pissed.” I replied with a smiley face. Look, if Diego was even pretending to be working, I may have been merciful, but he was sitting at his desk, his shoes on the tabletop, and watching YouTube. So no, you get no favors because you’re a pathetic bum.