True Detective Stories

Yesterday began another tour of night work. Night work is fabulous because 1. I don’t have to wake up at 5:30am, and 2. I can get away from my rotten kids.

Sadly, it’s not all smiles and sunshine. I know I put up these posts almost every first day back, but this one bears repeating. When I walked into the division and approached my desk, there were four active assignments waiting for me. The day shift got crushed and they left us a carjacking, a domestic robbery, a theft arrest, and an assault on police case. This wouldn’t be such a bother if I had detectives on the early end. The Red Menace and Napoleon took a vacation day, and the only decent detectives were Captain Rogers and Salma Hayek. We also had Diego.

Diego got the carjacking, Salma got the theft arrest, and Captain Rogers got a stolen car report. The domestic robbery and the assault on police were put on hold.

While I waited for the late end to come in, I looked in our mailbox. There were just under thirty unassigned jobs in the box, because my coworkers refuse to enter jobs when I am not working. It took me three and a half hours to enter and assign all the jobs – it turned out to be twenty-nine of them – before I could even begin to tackle the current day’s jobs. I got it done, and the supervisor said I could hold some for the next day, but I wanted these jobs out of my queue…

Continue reading “True Detective Stories”

True Detective Stories

Editor’s Note: This is going to be one giant bitch-fest, so feel free to ignore this post.

Every time we change shifts, my fellow detectives do their level best to shove a nightstick into my rectum. When I walked into the division, I knew there was going to be a pile of unassigned jobs for me to enter, and boy was I not kidding. There were forty unassigned cases in the queue, and of those forty, nineteen were from our squad.

Worse still, the dates were all over the place. The earliest job was from January 31st, and the latest was February 4th. When someone works the desk, the entire queue appears on the screen, so these dolts know when one of our jobs are on the list, and yet they do nothing.

Since I walked in twenty minutes early, I started printing and assigning the jobs. From beginning to end, it took me three and a half hours. After that, I was able to enter the current jobs, which were also piling up…

Continue reading “True Detective Stories”

True Detective Stories

Before we begin, I want you to know this is not a pity post. At all. I am posting this story because I wanted to give you a glimpse inside the minds of many – not all – of the people with whom I work.

We were moderately busy yesterday. Twenty jobs in all, including a carjacking and a few domestic assaults. We had three detectives in court – including Diego – and seven detectives on the floor. I was catching up on the previous day’s assignments and doling them out to the squad.

At one point an irate caller kept me on the phone for nearly half an hour claiming that his mother’s death – allegedly of Covid – was a homicide. When I told him that was more of “get a lawyer” than “Call Homicide” – since she died in August – he told me I’m a terrible detective and I hate black people.

It was my last day, so you can see what kind of tour it was from my perspective…

Continue reading “True Detective Stories”

Okay, I Guess I Lied

While you are reading this, I am currently being filleted in the dermatologist’s office, but I wanted to post the nonsense I needed to overcome last night.

So, I walked into the building at 2:30pm, even though I my shift doesn’t begin until 3pm. I get there early because there is always a stack of reports waiting for me, because the substitutes never enter anything when I have a day off.

The day shift left us a suicide and two arrests, and we only had four detectives on the floor. So my stress started bubbling inside me. I reached over to the assignment bin, pulled out what seemed like a few pounds or so of paperwork, and lost my mind.

Monday’s substitute desk person left me twenty-eight unassigned jobs. On a decent night shift, we’ll see twenty-eight jobs in an eight-hour tour. I had to enter twenty-eight jobs before I could even start yesterday’s live jobs. After ranting about my coworker for a few minutes, I started entering the jobs at around 2:55pm. I was not finished with the pile until 6:35pm.

At the end of the night, I entered forty jobs.

I have never been angrier in my life, with the exception of Vica Kerekes’ marriage.

True Detective Stories

It is very likely I will not post this until Monday, but since I’m furious now, I decided to write it up Friday.

The last day of every tour is bittersweet for me. It’s always great when I have two days off, but I stress about coming back. You see, when I’m off, replacements work the front desk, and since they’re replacements, they couldn’t care less if they do their job or not. Besides, Wyatt will be back in two days to clean up the mess.

And that’s what I do. I’m “the cleaner.”

When I walked into the division Friday afternoon, there were sixty-eight – SIXTY-EIGHT! – unassigned jobs waiting in my queue. Not all of them were for my squad, but roughly half were ours. I have no idea what the replacements were doing while I was off, but I assume they were watching YouTube videos and doing crossword puzzles.

Among the unassigned jobs were, is list of importance, one robbery, one aggravated assault, three recovered autos (which were never removed from stolen status), and four missing persons (which need to be entered immediately). Of course there were also the usual domestic assaults and fraud jobs, but every of those previous jobs needed to be assigned the moment they arrived, not two f**king days later!

Worse still, the Chinese Wuhan Virus is still decimating my division, and with only four people Friday evening, guess who had to take most of the jobs? Yep, The Cleaner.

I entered twenty-six jobs before 5pm, and I found time to enter the others as the night went along. In total, thirty-two jobs were entered; just below half the total amount.

When I’m gone in 1,440 days, this place will literally come to a standstill.